


Blood and Water

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: It's Only Natural (On a Hiding to Nothing) Series [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Exhibitionism, F/M, Polyamory, Sibling Incest, Sneaking Around, Torture, Voyeurism, sister wincest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:37:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 38,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18778432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Y/n and Sam Winchester finally get over the river in Egypt to find comfort and pleasure in each other, but when they discover Dean is not dead as they thought and their mother, Mary, is suddenly alive and kicking, they have to learn to hide their feelings again. (All the drama of On a Hiding to Nothing, none of the noncon)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“T-they… they’re trying to break you by b-breaking mmme… I’m the softer target.”“Nah. You aren’t… you’re strong and… you can- You’re not gonna break, y/n. You’re a Winchester.”“I’ve always been the weak-”Sam laid you back on the floor and leaned over you. “Not weak. Sensitive, beautiful, amazing.” Sam was giving you that look, the one full of inappropriate adoration and love. If you were in a better state of mind, you would have gone into denial mode and scrambled off, but you couldn’t. You only managed to get lost in the different hues of greens and browns and blues in his eyes as he leaned in closer. “Just gotta distract you from the pain, sis,” he whispered, pulling your camisole undershirt up.





	1. Denial

 

  


 

**Chapter Warnings:**  torture, pain, incest (sister wincest), exhibitionism,   **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** , oral sex (fem rec), unprotected sex, creampie

* * *

The zap of a cattle prod jolted you into alertness, as 10,000 volts of electricity coursed painfully through your body. The taser moved to your little brother next and he grunted in pain as you assessed your situation. You and Sam were confined to chairs made of heavy wood, hands cuffed behind your backs and calves cuffed with thick metal bands to the legs of the chairs. You were in a basement, or really a cellar, based on the double-doors you could see behind you when you turned your head.

“Be a good boy,” the woman in black said as Toni Bevell, ‘London Chapterhouse’, walked down the cellar stairs.

“You,” Sam growled, pulling on his cuffs to test their sturdiness.

Toni sat down in a chair across the cellar and pulled a notebook into her lap, clicking the cap off of an expensive-looking pen before setting it aside on the little table next to her. “Now, Y/n, Sam… let’s begin.”

“Toni Bevell, London Chapterhouse,” Sam said, matter-of-fact.

“That’s right.”

“So, you’re what? You’re English Men of Letters?” you asked.

“British,” Toni corrected.

“Right. Big distinction.”

“You would think that you, the smarter Winchesters, would care about that difference.”

“Well, you don’t sound  _Welsh_ , so…”

“Where are we?” Sam asked.

“Does it matter?” Toni quipped tauntingly.

“Just wondering how far we’re gonna have to walk back to town after we kill you.” He nodded at the woman in black. “And her. But you first.”

“Yes, well, before you murder us all, we do have few questions about you, your brother, Hunters in America, and how you saved the sun.”

“Right. You  _shoot_ me, kidnap us, but yeah, we’re happy to help,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.

Toni looked across the cellar. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Sam. You gave me no choice. And, well, I could say it was never supposed to go this way, but you’re…  _you_. It was always going to go this way.”

“And you know me?”

“We do. We’ve been watching you and the twins for years. Ever since you almost ended the world the  _first_ time. We knew all about Lucifer, the angels falling, the Mark of Cain and its various…side effects.”

You looked down, a blush of embarrassment tinting your neck and cheeks. “Then where were you?” you bit out.

“Fair question. See, some of us wanted to get involved but the old men wouldn’t allow it. Thought we were overstepping our bounds. After all of this business with the Darkness, even  _they_ have to agree…things need to change. And while you might not believe this, Winchesters, we’re here to help.”

“Yeah, no. I-I can tell,” Sam said sarcastically.

“I want to apologize for locking you up. You’re dangerous- to others and yourselves- but if you answer my questions, you both walk right out that door. I promise.”

You and Sam looked at each other, silent communication zipping across the air between you. “Pass,” Sam answered for you both.

“Sam.” Toni’s voice was almost disappointed, like she expected him to give in from a little scolding.

“You can ask me any kind of question you want. The answer’s gonna be the exact same: Screw you. You wanna get mad? You wanna get mean? I’ve been tortured by the Devil himself. So  _you_? You’re just an accent in a pantsuit. What can you do to me?”

You gawked at your brother, feeling a bit overwhelmed by his words and tone. His confidence was not only contagious, but incredibly sexy.

“And what about your sister?” Toni grabbed the cap to her pen and clicked it back into place. “Dear y/n here hasn’t ever been to Hell. Her only interactions with Lucifer and the archangels has been tangential. She’s never been ‘tortured by the Devil himself’. Do you think she could handle it?”

“Screw. You,” you responded as the black-clad woman standing next to the sink twisted the faucet tap on, making cold water rain steadily down on you and Sam. “I can handle anything you throw at us.”

“A cold shower? That’s your play?” Sam scoffed, shaking the water from his hair. You started shivering almost immediately but didn’t say anything, even when Sam started to shake and breathe heavily. “Screw you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/n. Y/n, you need to wake up.” Sam’s voice was desperate, like he thought you might be dead, his hands grasping at your face.

“Um ah-righ.”

“Hey, hey! I can’t lose you, too!” he said, shaking you, slightly.

“You’re really loud,” you mumbled, still not fully conscious.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know but you need to wake up.”

You blinked your eyes open to see Sam leaning over you. “I tol’ you I’m okay, Sammy.” You moved to sit up and Sam helped. “Why aren’t we tied up?”

Sam shook his head. “We passed out, both ended up on the floor. They’re watching us from that camera.” He pointed to a security camera on the ceiling by the the stairs. “I’m not sure the game, here, but they definitely shouldn’t have-” Your body went stiff as a wave of burning pain washed over your body and you screamed. “Whoa! W-what, what happened?!”

“I-I don’t-” You shook your head. “It’s…” You held in the next scream, but it just tapered off into whimpers. Sam pulled you into his arms, body warm behind you despite the cold water you had both been drenched in. “It’s like I’m on fire, inside me is on fire, Sammy.”

Sam pulled your hair off of your shoulder and you whimpered as his fingertips ran over an area of angry, raised skin. “Needle mark. She injected you with something.”

“T-they… they’re trying to break you by b-breaking mmme… I’m the softer target.”

“Nah. You aren’t… you’re strong and… you can-”

“Only time I’ve been tortured is when Gordon had me, and that- that wasn’t…” You whined as another wave passed from your burnt toes to your beaten head. “Hng… that was nothing.”

“You’re not gonna break, y/n. You’re a Winchester.”

“I’ve always been the weak-”

Sam laid you back on the floor and leaned over you. “Not weak. Sensitive, beautiful, amazing.” Sam was giving you that look, the one full of inappropriate adoration and love. If you were in a better state of mind, you would have gone into denial mode and scrambled off, but you couldn’t. You only managed to get lost in the different hues of greens and browns and blues in his eyes as he leaned in closer. “Just gotta distract you from the pain, sis,” he whispered, pulling your camisole undershirt up. His fingers grazed the large burn marks on your abs from the cattle prod and you gasped. “Gonna make it better… and then we’re gonna make London Chapterhouse pay.”

For all the denial you and Sammy wrapped around yourselves, for all the times you told yourself that this was just you and Dean’s illness and shook away the memory of that kiss in the library, it was obvious that Sam was done with the deprivation and disapproval. He was running with the sickness, letting it consume him.

“Sam, w-what are-” you started to argue, but Sam just leaned down and pressed chapped lips to your burns, causing a familiar tingling to start up in your core. Pain rolled over you as Sam pushed your shirt over your breasts and immediately started to press open-mouthed kisses over the cotton of your bra. Something about the pain intensified the pleasure of your nipples hardening under his attentions. “Sam,” you whined as his left hand came up to paw at your breast.

“I love how my name sounds on your lips. Can’t wait to hear you scream it,” he said, shifting to grind his growing erection against your core. You grabbed at his shoulders as he continued rutting his hips against yours. “Fuck, I’ve dreamed of this. Was so jealous of Dean.”

“I… Sam, please,” you begged as he started to lick at your throat, teeth scraping at the skin while his right hand tugged at the button of your jeans.

“So fuckin’ needy, sis. Gonna be too easy to get you off when you’re already begging for it.” His hand slipped into your open jeans and his fingertips rubbed across your clit as another wave of pain hit you, forcing a strangled cry of pleasure. You moaned at the dirty words from your little brother’s mouth, his deep voice like honey seeping into your worn bones. “You’re so fuckin’ wet, y/n. Soaking your panties. That all for me?”

All you could do was whine his name as he rubbed at your clit. “Don’t worry. Gonna take care of you.” Sam leaned back, pulling his hands from you to curl his fingers in the waistbands of your jeans and panties, yanking them down and off one leg. He spread your thighs and immediately laid himself between them, hooking your knees over his shoulders and kissing his way up your thigh to finally kiss your pussy lips. He moaned at the taste of you as another wave of burning pain rolled, mixing with the pleasure of his mouth on your most sensitive area. “Taste so fuckin’ good.”

“Fuck, Sam, please.” His tongue snaked out of his mouth, sliding easily along your slit, and you threw your head back against the concrete. You reached down and buried your hands in his hair as he buried his tongue in your cunt, bringing his hands around to press down on your lower abdomen when you started to squirm against him. “Sam, I need to- Sam, please, I need to cum, please, please, plea-ah!” You screamed as his lips wrapped around your clit and he suckled on it roughly.

When the orgasm crashed over you it caused your blowtorched toes to curl and you let out a guttural moan followed by a whimper. Sam pulled back on his knees, yanking at his belt buckle as he licked his lips. “Think they’re still watching? Huh?” He pulled his zipper down eagerly before pushing his jeans and boxers down, moving a bit slowly as the denim pulled over the bullet wound on his thigh. “Or do you think they averted their proper English, sorry,  _British_ eyes when the video stream became incest porn?”

You shuddered at the question, your eyes flicking from Sam’s hard cock to the camera in the corner. You’d forgotten about it once the pain started and it was completely gone from your mind by the time Sam was licking your pussy. “Uh, I… I don’t-”

“I hope they’re still watching,” he said, laying his body out over yours, careful not to put pressure on his bum leg. “Want them to see you cum all over my cock.”

Your jaw dropped, breath heavy as you found yourself face to face with a whole different side of your little brother…this dirty, exhibitionist, incestuous side you didn’t know he was hiding. Well, if you were being honest with yourself, you knew he had the same sickness as the Winchester Twins, but it had been so much easier to ignore it before. Before he was pressing his lips to yours as he slid his cockhead into place at your entrance. Another wave of pain made you whimper as he worked the thick length of his cock into you. Your mouth dropped open and your brother slipped his tongue in to wrap around yours.

Sam was big, and the stretching pain was worse than the first time Dean took you, but it definitely distracted from the burning waves rolling over your body every few moments. He kissed you as your body adjusted to his size, your hands in each other’s hair. When he started to move, rolling his hips to make his massive cock push and pull ever so slightly in and out of you, he dropped his head to your shoulder. “Fuck, y/n. I’ve wanted this for so fucking long. Since Dean was in Purgatory. Used to fuck Amelia, picturing you.”

You dug your short nails into his shoulders as he started longer strokes, beginning to move with a pace that seemed unnatural and was overwhelming for a woman who hadn’t been touched in a year. “Sam! Fuck! Slow d-down,” you begged in a pained whisper.

He slowed, but just barely, his eyes locked to yours as he moved within you. “God, you feel so fucking amazing, y/n. You’re squeezing my cock so good. I’m gonna fucking cum,” he grunted into your ear. “You gonna cum for me, sis? I want to see your face. I’ve heard you cum so many times, I wanna see. I wanna feel it.”

“Sammy,” you whined, drawing his name out as he brought his hand down to rub at your clit. Your whole body went stiff, your pussy clenching and grabbing his cock as he picked his pace back up until he was hammering his pelvis into yours. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you babbled as your orgasm hit you hard.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, pressing his lips to yours as he slammed forward one last time, his cock twitching inside of you as he came deep within your warmth. He pulled out as he started to soften, kissing along your jaw. “How’s the pain?”

“Better. I think… whatever they injected me with, it’s wearing off.”

He chuckled as he leaned back, putting his weight on his forearm. “Or maybe I fucked it out of you.” He smiled and pulled your shirt down.

“Yeah. Maybe. My spirits are higher in the very least.” You moaned as you sat up. Your body hurt, but there was a happy, satiated feeling pulsing through you. “We’re gonna get out of this, right? That wasn’t a Last Night on-”

“No. That was a first of many.” Sam stood, pulling his pants and boxers up as you pulled your panties and jeans back on. “Next time, it’ll be better. Neither of us will be in pain.”

You shrugged as you stood on shaky legs. “Maybe a  _little_ bit of pain isn’t too bad.”

Sam smiled, brightly. “You’re a little freaky, aren’t you?”

“Says the exhibitionist who just came inside his big sister.”

“Got me there,” Sam grinned “Let’s see if we can get outta here, huh?” You nodded and the two of you started to search the cellar for weapons and a way out. 


	2. Torture

**Chapter Warnings:**  torture, pain, incest (sister wincest),  **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** , unprotected sex, 

* * *

You watched from the corner of the cellar as Toni worked her hallucinogenic magic on Sam. You were cuffed at your wrists and ankles again, but this time a chain linked them together in a mix between a hobble and a hogtie. You had a rag shoved in your mouth. The bitch had thrown duct tape over it after the second time you worked it out of your mouth with your tongue. You couldn’t speak, you could barely move, stuck lying on your side. All you could do was watch the Brit pretend to be you in a figment she created in a last ditch effort to get information out of Sam.

It was crazy to watch Sam react to her, his cock hard in his pants as Toni made him think you were riding him, using pillow talk to convince him to tell her what she wanted to know.

It failed.

As good as the hallucination felt, and as much as he enjoyed it, Sam eventually saw through the charade. It was outrageous to watch his eyes focus and hear him growl out, “You’re not her,” as Toni retreated up the stairs, but it was crazier when she came back in several hours later dragging your twin down the stairs with her. You couldn’t say his name the way Sam had, but your muffled noises called his attention.

“I’m as happy to see him as you are, ‘cause while you and your sister may be be able to withstand my snapping apart your bodies joint by joint, can you both watch it happen to Dean?” Toni asked, pushing Dean toward Sam’s chair.

“The Winchester Family dynamics could fill a psychological text on their own. A triangle of codependency, and yet y/n is the only one with a truly… _consistent_ role. Sam, you seemed a bit over-eager to see your sister bloodied,” she looked over to Dean with a smug smirk, “yet you didn’t have the Mark, like your brother here. I wonder why that is?”

You hoped Dean didn’t catch the meaning behind her words, but as she chained him to the ceiling you could tell that he had more important things on his mind. While Toni was monologuing like an off-brand Bond villain, discussing the parts of the body most sensitive to painful stimuli and how it was possible to die from being in pain, you and Sam struggled to get out of the cuffs holding you. Then suddenly, you got the shock of your fucking life when your  _mother_ , who died more than thirty years ago, appeared on the stairs with a gun.

“Get away from my kids,” she demanded, emitting an aura of protective mother bear. It immediately called forth memories of her reading to you from a book of baby animals. Polar bears were of particular interest to you at three years old because Polars usually give birth to twins. She had sworn to protect you just like the mother polar bears do their twins, and here she was, protecting you as promised.

Despite everyone’s shock at Mary being alive, and her obvious advantage borne from the element of surprise, Toni refused to give in and a fight broke out between the two women. It was something amazing to watch your mom hand this bitch her ass. Your mom handed Dean the keys and he got his cuffs undone as Mary threw the Brit across the cellar. Toni sliced her palm with a shard of mirror and raised her bleeding hand. You immediately recognized the spell as Chinese mind control and she was using it to make Mary think she was choking. Dean recognized the blood magic as well and knocked the Brit out before moving to unlock Sam’s cuffs. Mary pulled the duct tape off of your mouth and you gasped loudly as the adhesive held tight to your skin.

“Well played,” a man called attention to himself and Cas standing on the stairs. “Mick Davies. British Men of Letters.” His accent was a lot less proper than Toni’s and his smile was almost sincere.

“Great. More fuckin’ Brits,” you muttered as your mother undid the cuffs on your ankles and helped you to your feet. “You here to torture us like that one?”

“No, no. Not at all. She’s the only one held interest in that.”

“She’s the only-” Sam started.

“What you were told is basically true. We were keen on knowing about the three of you-” Mick began as Toni pulled herself to her feet. “-seeing as you seem to be  _partially_ carrying on the Men of Letters’ work here now that the American chapter is defunct.”

“So, you sic your attack dog on us to what? Say ‘hi’?” Dean asked.

“Well, part of our group suspect some kind of malfeasance amongst you American Hunters. No argument, Lady Bevell went too far. I deeply apologize.” You and Sam shook your heads, incredulously. Because an  _apology_ was gonna take away days of physical and mental torture, right? “She’ll face consequences in London,” Mick assured you.

“I’ll tell you what, why don’t you take a walk and she can face those consequences right here and now?” Dean suggested. Every Winchester in the room watched Mick for his reaction.

It took him a moment to realize that Dean was serious, but eventually he shook his head. “She’s ours. We’ll take care of her. Now, I’m here to extend an olive branch. We want to work  _with_ you-”

“Let me ask you a question,” Sam interrupted. “Uh, Mick, is it? Why would we believe any of this?”

“Lads… if I wasn’t sincere, if I meant you harm, there’s a dozen ways I could’ve come in here and taken you all prisoner instead of bein’ unarmed.” He pulled open his coat to show the lack of a pistol on his hip. “Not to mention, I powered down all the wardings in this shack so  _your_ attack dog could come in. I reckon you could finish me off without breaking a sweat. Am I right?” Mick turned to look at Cas.

“I don’t sweat under any circumstances,” Cas responded with deadpan seriousness.

Mick sighed and pulled a business card out of his pocket, handing it to the angel and sending you all off with a plea to ‘take your time, cool down, just think it over’,  then he beckoned Toni to follow him out. Castiel healed you, Sam, and Dean, but Mary insisted she was fine. It was obvious that she was  _not_ comfortable with the whole angel thing yet.

The ride back to the bunker was tense. Dean was alive, which was so amazing and filled you with warmth, but your mother was riding shotgun and…God she was so badass. You always forgot she was a born and raised hunter like you and your brothers.

Sam kept looking between you and your twin and you could tell exactly where his mind was: Dean’s alive and Dean doesn’t share. But… did that even matter? Dean had made things marginally better before his departure, but you were still hurt and you couldn’t say whether he currently gave a damn about you beyond his familial obligations.

The addition of your mother was another level of ‘It’s probably all over’, because who in their right mind would fuck around with their sibling right under the nose of their mom who barely knows them and certainly wouldn’t understand the situation?

Then again, when was the last time a Winchester was accused of being in their right mind?

You and Dean got Mary set up in one of the extra rooms, then you disappeared into your own space. You stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of your whole life. You sighed and pulled out your phone, calling the number of the Lakeview, hoping for some words of clarity from the one person in your family who held some normality.

“Gramma Millie? It’s-it’s Megan.”

“Megan! Where have you been, girl? I called the sheriff! All your stuff is still here, I-”

“I got a sign from God, calling me home. I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to-” You sighed heavily and cleared your throat. “I didn’t mean to worry you. My brothers needed me.”

“And how are Sammy and Dean doing?”

“What?” you squeaked.

“Oh, come on. I may be old, sweetheart, but you’re the spitting image of my Johnny. It’s the eyes.” You scoffed, feeling happy, but a little overwhelmed. “It took me a few months, but with all those questions you were asking about John and his kids, the way you teared up when I found the postcards… I’m old, not stupid.”

“I… I never thought you were stupid, Gramma.”

“So? Are things okay? You dropped everything and ran back to them.”

“Well, the…” You licked your lips. “You heard about the sun, right?”

“Of course I heard about the sun!”

“Well, Sam knows a… a guy at NASA and he gave us a heads up on it. They called me. I didn’t say anything before I left because-”

“You didn’t want to answer questions.”

“Right.” You cleared your throat again. “Anyway, uh, the sun is better now, obviously, but now my… I can’t come back… Too much has happened and… my brothers need me and… I missed them.”

“Well, I’ll have Chester move your things to the basement and you can pick it up whenever you’re in the neighborhood again, girlie.”

“Thanks for understanding, Gramma.”

“What are grandmothers for?”

You chuckled. “I wouldn’t really know. Haven’t had one most of my life.”

“Well, that isn’t  _my_ fault! If your daddy weren’t in Heaven, I’d hand him his ass for keeping my grandchildren away from me.”

A soft knock came to your door. “Uh, Gramma, I have to get off of the phone. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“You better.”

“Yes’m. Bye, Gramma.” You waited for her to say ‘Goodbye’ as well before you hung up and set your phone to the side. “Come in.”

Dean slipped into your room and secured the door behind him. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

He licked his lips and moved closer to you, leaning against the wall next to your dresser. “How ya feelin’?”

You shrugged. “I dunno. Everything’s weird.”

“You’re tellin’ me. Still don’t know what to say to Mom. And Sam seems… weirder than normal.” You looked down. Of course Sam was being weirder than normal. After what happened in the cellar things were never gonna be even a Winchester level of normal. “You were tortured pretty hardcore from what I can tell.”

“We’ll be alright. Cas fixed it.”

“You don’t get it, sis,” he said, dropping to kneel in front of you. “When I brought Mom home and Cas–Cas told us that you and Sam got grabbed, I… I thought I might not get there in time. I thought I might lose you and… it made me realize… y/n, Amara’s gone and I-”

“Don’t,” you cut him off with a whisper.

He reached out and took your hands in his. “I love you, y/n. I feel terrible about-’bout everything I did to… I fuckin’ love you so much and I-” He stopped short, searching your face for any sign that his words were sinking in before deciding to change tactics. He surged forward and pressed his lips to yours, dropping your hands and burying his in your hair. You whined and balled your hands into fists to fight the urge to grab his shirt and pull him closer, trying to keep yourself from falling back down the rabbit hole that was your twin. He pulled back and looked into your eyes. “Let me make it up to you.”

“Dean, we… I… what about-” Your brain was short-circuiting as he swept his thumb across your cheekbone.

“Fuck, baby,  _please_. Let me make you feel good.”

All it would have taken was five words: ‘I had sex with Sam’. Five words and he would have left you to wallow in your confusion. You couldn’t form the words, though. Instead, you reached out and wrapped your hand in his brown undershirt, yanking him forward. He pushed you backward to bounce off your mattress as he straddled your thighs and looked down at you. “You look so fuckin’ gorgeous,” he whispered, licking his lips as he ran his hand down your body, digging his fingers in at your hips. You whined his name as he leaned down to kiss your collarbone. “Shh. Mom’s right down the hall. You don’t want her to know what her twins get up to behind closed doors, do you?”

Guilt and fear flooded you. Not  _just_ her twins. God, it was so wrong. You were not at all what Mary wanted her only daughter to become: a hunter and a whore. The urge to say those five words welled up in you. “D., I-” You gasped as his teeth came down lightly on your earlobe. His hands grabbed the bottom hem of your shirt and pulled it up over your head. He immediately pushed his hand under your back to unhook your bra and licked your nipple between his full lips. As he lavished your breasts with attention, keeping his tongue and lips occupied with one while the other was worked over by his giant hand, your mind lost track of the five words.

The only words your mind could form as the throbbing between your thighs got unbearable were ‘Dean’, ‘Please’, and ‘More’, all whispered at just barely audible levels.

You reached down to rub one hand over the bulge in his jeans as the other hand pulled the leather strip of his belt through the buckle. He leaned back to look in your eyes as you unzipped his pants and slipped your hand into his boxers. He hissed as your hand wrapped perfectly around his cock. “Been too fuckin’ long,” he whispered as he pushed his pants and boxers down his thighs, giving you full access to him.

“Since what?” you asked, running your fist down his length and your thumb along his head.

“Since I felt this tight fuckin’ pussy squeezing my dick.” You suppressed a squeal as he grabbed your waistband and pulled your pants and underwear down your legs. He dropped them to the floor next to your bed and moved to kick his jeans and boxers off. “Since you been under me, trying to keep the entire bunker from hearing how beautiful you sound when you cum. Since I had your fingernail marks down my back.” He laid his body over yours and held himself up on his forearms as he nuzzled back into your neck. “Been too fucking long since I loved you like this.”

“Dean-”

“Shhh. Don’t say anything, baby. Just let me fix us.”

“Sex isn’t gonna fix-”

“Not sex.” He slipped his hand down to guide his cock to your soaked entrance. “This is not just sex. I promise, sis.” He worked himself slowly into your pussy, his lips attached to your neck as he gave you time to adjust to his size.

You closed your eyes in ecstasy as he bottomed out, his hips flush with yours. “ _Fuck_. That feels so right,” you whispered.

“Never gonna chase you away again. God, I’m so fucking sorry. I wish I had missed this. I never wanna miss it again,” he babbled as he began to move within you.

You lifted your hips to meet each of his thrusts, eager to feel him as deep as you could get him. “Harder,” you whispered as you wrapped your legs around him and dug your heels into the small of his back to get him to comply. He groaned loudly as you clenched around him and you reached up to cover his mouth. “Shhh!”

He pulled your hand away, kissing your knuckles. “Sorry. Just-” He groaned again, quietly this time, and took a shaky breath as he entwined his fingers with yours, using the hold to pin your hands beside your head. “Forgot how right this was, how right  _you_ are for me. Made for me, huh?” You nodded, looking into his lust-blown eyes. He smiled down at you as he started thrusting harder. “My other half… so fuckin’ perfect. My perfect… fucking… lover.”

You clamped your mouth closed to keep your own noises in as he pounded into you. Little whining moans escaped, but it didn’t seem to matter to Dean anymore as he got lost in the feel of you: your skin against his, your scent in his nose, your breath warm against his face. He held your hands down harder and you dug your fingernails into the back of his. “Dean,  _please_ ,” you begged.

“You wanna cum, baby?” he whispered in your ear, making you shiver. “Wanna cum all over my cock?”

“ _Please_.”

He pulled his right hand from yours and dropped it down between your bodies to rub his thumb over your clit as he kept thrusting deep into you. You slapped your free hand over your mouth and nose to keep quiet as your orgasm rushed over you, your pussy clamping around his cock like a vice.

“Fuck!” Dean groaned, pulling out and running his fist up and down his length until he came in long ropes across your stomach. He looked down at you, both of you panting in the aftermath of your orgasms. “I love you.”

You nodded, licking your lips. “I love you, too.”

He leaned down to press his lips to yours. “Let me get a rag, clean you up.” He rolled off of your bed and walked over to the sink by your door. “I’ll buy condoms for next time, so we don’t have to deal with all this.” You nodded again as he started to rub a warm, wet washcloth across your stomach. “You know… heard you on the phone with Gramma. You can’t go back. I can’t lose you again.”

“I wasn’t planning to go back… except maybe to get my stuff and introduce you and Sam to her.”

“She know who we are?” he asked, tossing the washcloth at the sink and leaning down to pick up his clothes. You nodded and he pursed his lips. “Might be cool to meet her.” You stood and walked to your dresser, pulling out pajamas and slipping them on. When you finished dressing for the night, Dean was watching you, leaning against the wall and smiling softly. “It was nice to, you know, do this without the Mark pushing me to do it. It was better.” He stepped in front of you and gently grabbed your head, caressing your temples with his thumbs as he kissed you, slowly running his tongue along yours.

He left you a bit breathless as he exited your room, sitting on your bed and staring at your lap. What happened? You were going to tell him about Sam and then…

Your door opened and Sam slipped into your room, interrupting the thought. He had an unreadable expression on his face. “Dean was in here for a while,” he said quietly. You nodded. “You didn’t tell him?”

You shook your head. “I started to, but then he-” You sighed and stood. “I’m gonna tell him tomorrow. We got caught up in…catching up and I’ll-”

“Don’t tell him,” Sam demanded, cutting you off. You looked up into his face and he tucked his hair behind his ears as he licked his lips. “Look, he’d be so pissed off about it. He would hate us both. He’s always thought you were his. Look what he did with Jesse, chasing him away. Even if he  _didn’t_ throw a giant fuckin’ fit about it, I know it’d make everything tense. Mom would know that something was wrong. She’d ask questions and none of us want that.”

“Yeah, but we can’t lie to him about-”

“Yes, we  _can_ ,” Sam insisted. He sighed and shook his head. “We can lie to  _him_ about it just like we lied to ourselves about wanting it.”

“Sammy, I-”

“I refuse to stop and if you tell Dean then we’ll have to stop and I-”

“Wait, you wanna fuck around behind his back? Behind  _Mom’s_ back?”

Sam nodded, almost enthusiastically. “Dean has screwed you out of every potentially beneficial relationship you have ever had, all because he thinks he’s got some claim to you because you shared a womb. Why let him fuck you out of this, too? And  _Mom_? Mom would never understand that the way we grew up altered our-”

“Sam, you know I’m gonna be… _with_ Dean.”

“Yeah, I know, but  _I_  don’t have a problem with sharing. As long as you’re happy then I’m happy, and if you can be happy pretending you don’t want me…” He shrugged. “Then pretend, but I know you feel the same way as I do…and I’m not gonna go back to pretending.”

You gawked up at him, completely overwhelmed by his earnest plea. “You want me to… be with both of you,” you whispered.

“Yeah. I know I wouldn’t be able to have you all the time, but… sometimes?” He was almost begging, hazel eyes wide and sparkling. How were you supposed resist that sweet puppy dog face?

Your breath got stuck in your lungs. You didn’t know what the right answer was. You knew that you loved both of your brothers, that your role with both of them was ‘ _consistent_ ’, as Lady Bevell said, but you weren’t sure you could maintain the role with both of them at the same time.

“Let me think about it. Okay?”

Sam gave a little smile. “I can wait.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead before turning and slipping back out of your bedroom as quietly as Dean had.

“Oh, God, what am I doing?” you whined, flopping down on your bed and burying your face in your pillow.


	3. Resolution

 

**Chapter Warnings:**  incest (sister wincest), **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** , unprotected sex, sex in semi-public, pull-out method, angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking into the kitchen to see your mother sitting at the table with a small porcelain cup in her grasp was jarring. You still weren’t used to her being… alive. “Coffee’s strong,” she greeted, pointing at the pot. You nodded and grabbed a 20oz mug from the metal island. “Ya know, I expected you to come see me. Like Sam did. Dean’s had more time to process, more time with me, but you and Sam-”

“Figure two out of three of your adult children tugging on your apron strings is more than enough.” You crossed to the coffee pot by the kitchen door and poured what was left into your mug. “You wanna talk to me, you’ll come to me… or you won’t. Not a big deal either way.” You made sure not to say the words bitterly or with animosity. It wasn’t good or bad, it just was. You didn’t know the woman beyond idealized stories your father told and memories you obviously didn’t have a complete picture of, if the Piggly-Wiggly meatloaf was any indication, and she definitely didn’t know you.

Mary watched you for several moments before shaking her head. “How did you end up so much like me?”

You flicked the switch on the coffeemaker off and took a drink of the coffee, hissing a bit as the scalding liquid burned your tongue. “Don’t be offended, Mom, but that’s not really a compliment.” Your mother’s eyebrows shot up and you realized that was a bit offensive, so you continued. “And I kinda feel like I ended up more like Grandpa Samuel than you.”

“Did I meet you in the past, too? Did you meet my parents?” Mary asked, picking at the corner of John’s journal.

“Nah. That whole time travel shtick was all Dean. But resurrection seems to run in the family.”

Her eyes went wide. “Is he still-”

“Dying multiple times runs in the family, too,” you said, coldly, hoping to end the conversation there. You didn’t want to tell her that Sam had to shoot Grandpa and that none of you were really sad about it since he tried to feed the three of you to a bunch of ghouls.

She scoffed. “Well, you got the callous part of the Campbell cocktail, that’s for sure.”

“You should know better than anyone that, in the hunter life, you get that hard shell or you get crushed. Some of us get crushed anyway.” You grabbed a banana off of the counter and started to peel it.

“You… you’ve had a hard life, haven’t you? Do _you_ have a journal like this?” She gestured at John’s journal, open on the table in front of her. You shook your head, lips pursed. “Why not?”

“Because Dean has one… Sammy has one… I never really saw the need. Any monster I’ve fought, any hunt I’ve been on, if it was worth documenting _they_ did it.”

Mary shook her head. “You’re _always_ with them? You’ve never been-”

“Short bursts and I wasn’t hunting during the hiatuses,” you interrupted, taking the pointed end off of the banana and tossing it at the trashcan.

“Well, what _were_ you doing?”

“Last time, helping Dad’s mom fix up her bed and breakfast in Maine.” You took a bite of the banana. “Time before that, I was just existing in Miami. Time before _that_ … I was watching Sammy from afar while _he_ was on hiatus.” You shrugged, thinking about watching Sam living with Amelia. “It’s not a big deal, Mom.”

“Sounds… lonely.”

You licked your lips and tossed the banana peel in the trash. “I’ve had my family.”

“But not a… a boyfriend or… a girl-”

“Good morning, Winchester Women,” Dean entered the kitchen with a smile and leaned down to press a kiss to Mary’s cheek. You took a mouthful of coffee and handed him the mug. He looked down at it and raised an eyebrow. “ _Half_ a cup of coffee?”

“Love you too, bro,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“At least that hasn’t changed,” Mary said, standing. “You two used to bicker over toys, and treats, and my attention, all the time. If it weren’t for the way you were when you thought no one was watching, I would have thought you hated each other.”

“How’s that?” you and Dean echoed each other.

“You two would play as a knight and a princess, or as Marshall Dillon and Miss Kitty, sometimes you’d just spend hours playing house. Of course, as soon as me or your father would walk in, you’d start arguing and hitting each other.”

“I don’t remember that,” you whispered as you looked over at Dean. He licked his lips and took a drink of the coffee.

“I remember some. Remember you were Sleeping Beauty a few times… Snow White,” Dean said softly as he looked over at you. His eyes were shining.

You nodded. You had vague memories of lying on your bed with a paper carnation in your hands, arms crossed over your chest as Dean ‘rode up’ on his broomstick horse like he was Prince Charming coming to wake you with ‘True Love’s Kiss’.

“I don’t remember playing _Gunsmoke_ at all, but I kinda remember D. trying to be Lancelot or whatever.” You bit your lip and tucked your hair behind your ears. This was awkward. You and Dean really _had_ always been going down this road with each other. “I’m gonna go to town. Donuts? I’m gonna get some-”

“Bacon. Get some bacon while you’re out,” Dean demanded from behind the coffee cup.

“I wasn’t planning to go to the grocery, but sure, dude.”

“I’ll come with,” Sam offered from the hallway outside the kitchen door. “I wanted to make some kale smoothies.”

You nodded and turned to Dean, putting your hand out expectantly. Dean raised his eyebrows. “What?”

You sighed. “Keys? Don’t make us take one of the Letters’ cars.”

“Don’t move the seat and I’m inspecting for scratches when you get back so park her in the back of the-”

“I’ve lived with that Impala as long as you have, D., so don’t act like I’m ignorant. Keys.” Your twin rolled his eyes as he pulled the keyring from his pocket and placed it in your waiting palm. “Thank you. Donuts, bacon, kale. A Winchester shopping list if ever there was one. Only thing missing is-”

“Pick up some beer while you’re out?” Mary asked with a smirk.

You chuckled, smiling at your mom leaning against the little kitchen table with your dad’s journal tucked under her arm. “There it is. Yeah. We’ll be back A-sap. Let’s go, Sammy.”

Sam took his place in the passenger seat and stared at you most of the drive into town. His gaze made you uncomfortable, but only because the attention turned you on. You finally reached out and turned on the radio, but Sam immediately reached out to turn it off. “Pull off over here.” He pointed at a small dirt access road that went through the trees.

“Sam,” you started to argue, but he pointed again.

“Do it.” You sighed and did as your little brother demanded, driving into the gap in the woodline. “Park.” His voice was tight, an octave too high for him.

“Sam. Come on.”

“Just park. I wanna talk, that’s-”

“A lie,” you interrupted, slamming on the break and jamming the gearshift up into park. “We both know you didn’t come with me so we could _talk_. We _talked_ just last-” He leaned forward, grabbing your flannel and pulling you across the bench seat to straddle his lap.

“I’m sorry. I know I said I’d wait, but…” His hands moved to caress your shoulders, strong fingers massaging your tense muscles. “Listening to Mom and Dean talk about how you’ve always been- I needed to feel you again.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” you whispered, your jaw hanging slack as he leaned forward to lick at your neck. You shook your head and pulled back. “We can’t do this-” you started and Sam’s hazel eyes shined with sadness and rejection. “-in Dean’s car. Not in the Impala.”

Sam smiled and pressed his lips to yours, right hand groping for the door handle. “How ‘bout over the hood?” He pulled you with him out of the Chevy and pressed you into the side of the car, grabbing your head and kissing you fiercely.

You grabbed his shoulders for leverage and jumped, wrapping your legs around his middle as he tugged your bottom lip between his teeth. “No marks,” you whispered into his mouth as you buried your hand in his hair.

He growled and grabbed your tank top, pulling it up to reveal your white cotton bra. He pushed the cups up to bunch together with the material of your shirt, leaning down to lick at your nipple. You moaned his name and rolled your hips, trying to get some friction where you needed it most.

His big hands found your hips and he shifted you down, grinding his erection into the wet spot forming on the inside seam of your jeans. “Soaking fuckin’ wet, sis.”

It occurred to you, as Sam pulled your legs off of his waist, that he spent his entire speaking life calling you by your name and _now_ , once you’d started a decidedly unsibling-like relationship, he started to call you ‘ _sis_ ’.

He pulled at the button and zipper of your jeans as you tugged at his belt. He dropped to his knees in front of you, yanking your pants and underwear to your calves and running his hands up your thighs. You whimpered as he slipped his middle finger into you, spreading your legs as best you could with the denim binding your calves. “Engine’s still hot. Unless you wanna explain burns on your ass and thighs, we can’t do it there,” he said, pumping his finger in and out of you.

“Sam,” you whined as he added another finger. “Please.”

“Always so fucking needy. If I didn’t know you got fucked last night, I’d think you were deprived.” Sam curled his fingers against your walls and you cried out. He stood and pulled his hand away, licking your flavor off of his fingers. “Turn around, bend over, hands on the seat.”

“Sammy, it’s not-”

He grabbed your chin and forced you to look into his face. “We’re not going to be fucking in Dean’s car. Your face is gonna be down there, but we’re gonna be fucking-” He turned you and forced you to bend, hands slapping the leather as you held yourself up. He grabbed your hips and yanked your lower half backward. “-back here. Don’t fall.”

The sound of his pants dropping to hit his boots sent a zing of excitement through you and the feel of his cockhead rubbing between your pussy lips made you curl your fingers against the edge of the seat. “Ready, sis?”

“Yes. _Please_. Fuck, please fuck me.”

Your breath caught as he started to work the thick length of his cock into your cunt. “Gotta wonder if it’s just the fact that you spent most of your life without a cock filling you up-” He rolled his hips to get himself further into you. “-or if it’s just that you’re such a whore for your brothers.”

“Fuck,” you whined.

He pulled out almost completely and pushed back in, agonizingly slow. “Do _you_ even know why you’re so needy, y/n?”

“Sammy-”

He stilled, hips flush with your ass, thick cock stretching you open. “I wanna hear it.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” you groaned, your head hanging. “I’m a whore for my brothers’ cocks. Never been this needy, never wanted it so much and it’s all for you two. Fuck, Sam, _please_.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear, sis,” he whispered, placing one hand on the small of your back and grabbing your hip with the other. When he finally started to thrust, you saw stars. The pace he set was punishing, forcing moans and curses from you in time with his hips’ movements as you locked your knees to keep them from buckling. “I’m gonna cum,” he panted, slipping his right hand around to rub his fingertips across your clit.

“Me too! God, me too!” you squeaked as your muscles stiffened and your cunt clenched tight around his cock. You panted hard, your whole body swaying with each breath, as he pulled out of you.

“ _Fuck_!” You turned to watch him thrust into his fist a few times before he splashed cum all over the dirt. He drew a few heavy breaths before leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours. You cleared your throat and swept your fingers across his forehead to get the sweaty hair out of his eyes. He smiled sweetly down at you before standing to fix his clothes.

You followed his lead, straightening your bra and tank top. You leaned down to pull up your pants and underwear but Sam did it for you. You smiled up at him as you buttoned your jeans. “Thanks, Sammy.”

“For the sex?” he asked, smirking.

You chuckled and climbed back into the car, settling behind the wheel. “Sure. We’ll go with that,” you responded as he settled into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed.

“Well, you’re welcome, then.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where’d you go for donuts? China?” Dean asked as you and Sam entered the bunker from the garage.

“See? Told you we shouldn’t go back for the pie,” Sam said, heading down the hall toward the kitchen. “He didn’t even ask for pie.”

“Hey, what kind of sister would I be if I went into a bakery and only came out with a box of donuts?”

“You remembered pie! Other Half coming through with the twin-ESP! Apple?” Dean exclaimed, following you and the white box you were holding that contained fresh pie.

“Lattice-topped cherry.”

“Even better!”

You facedhim as you entered the kitchen, putting your left hand on his chest and holding the pie away from him with your right. “No pie for you until you make me lunch. I need copious amounts of bacon to combat the sheer volume of kale Sam just brought in.” Dean smirked down at you and reached for the box balanced on your hand. “And if you make a Warrant reference right now, you aren’t getting _any_ kind of pie.”

He laughed and leaned away from you. “Twin-ESP is working _real_ hard today!”

“No, I just know exactly where your mind went because I know you so damn well.”

“Know me better than anybody, sis.” He smiled softly and followed you as you set the pie on the counter. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back against his chest. Your eyes snapped to Sam, setting up the blender and purposely avoiding looking at you. “Ya know Mom’s in her room. Sammy could play lookout, we could-”

“Don’t be stupid, Dean,” you snapped. You twisted in his arms and looked up into his eyes. You made sure to keep your features soft and loving. “A quickie in the kitchen might sound fun, but it’s not worth the risk. Mom _can’t_ know. She’d hate us.”

He nodded and tightened his embrace. “Yeah. I know. Just…I missed you and I’m-”

“You didn’t miss me. You wish you’d missed me. Not the same thing.” You reached up and patted his cheek before slipping out of his arms.

“We got a lot of time to make up for, though, so…”

“So you wanna make dumb, damaging decisions? Come on, can’t we save that for when the fate of the world is on the line?” You chuckled and dropped into the closest chair. “Now, I’m thinking BLTs for lunch, D. Chop-chop.” Dean nodded and slipped around to the stove.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You saw it coming, much more than your twin did, when the four of you returned to the bunker. Mary was distant through the entire hunt and return trip, especially after she got possessed by that ghost. You could feel her pulling away before she even cut her hair off. The coldness was easy to recognize; you spent most of your life in that limbo of trying not to get too close but also not wanting to be too far away from your family.

You could see it when she decided to leave. Something in her eyes, a loss. Dean didn’t seem to notice, but you did.

“Well, you gonna take a shower, take a nap? You really went through it today,” Dean asked, following Mary up into the library.

“No, I’m okay.”

Dean pulled his jacket off and cleared his throat as he hung it on the back of a chair. “And, um…listen, apologies if, uh, we hijacked or sidelined you in any way. I mean, this was your case, you know? And…well, you kicked ass.”

“Again,” you added, leaning against the table as Dean circled around it to stand in front of your mother.

“I kicked ass? _You_ saved _me_. I-”

“Yeah, but you were right. You know, those kids were innocent. I mean, hell, we didn’t even know what Moriarty’s deal was.”

She avoided his gaze for a moment. “I do.” The far-off tone of her voice caught your attention and you turned to focus on her. “When he possessed me, I saw…I felt it. All of it. When Hugo lost his child, he went mad.” You took a deep, steadying, breath and looked at your feet. It wasn’t the same thing. It was completely different. “Buried himself alive in his basement and walled himself in and starved to death.”

“Damn,” Dean said, voice gravelly with shock.

“But when new families moved in, families with children, he coveted those children.” You bit your lip as Mary kept talking. “So he took them, killed them. And somehow that bound their spirits to his. That’s where he got his power. He was so…greedy. Twisted.”

Dean stepped closer. “Mom, it’s okay,” he said, soothingly, giving a small smile. “You’re home now.”

She looked up, the cold and distant look taking over her eyes. “No.” Dean looked shocked, but you just kept your eyes cast down. She took a deep breath and gave a sad sigh. “I’m not. I miss John. I miss my kids.”

“We’re right here, Mom,” Sam said, stepping up behind her.

She turned to him. “I know. In my head. But I’m still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean and my princess y/n. Just feels like yesterday, we were together in Heaven and now…I’m here and John is gone and they’re gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them.” You could see your twin’s jaw clenching and unclenching, the rage and pain bubbling under his skin. You wanted to reach out and hold him, but you kept your hands at your sides as she continued. You’d help your brothers through the loss after she made it official. “And I thought hunting, working, would clear my head.”

“Mom…w-what are you trying to say?” Sam asked. His confusion struck you and somewhere in the back of your mind, you hoped it stung Mary just as hard.

“I have to go.” You closed your eyes and shook your head at the words you knew were coming, but still hadn’t been prepared for. Words you’d hoped not to hear. It didn’t hurt you that she was leaving as much as it hurt that she was hurting your brothers. “I’m sorry. I’m so…so sorry. I just need a little time.”

You watched as she moved toward your twin, but he just stepped away, unable to look at her. She wrapped her arms around you and kissed the top of your head before stepping up to Sam. “I love you.” She hugged him tightly and looked back at Dean with a sigh. “I love you all.” You reached out and grasped Dean’s hand as she tucked your father’s journal into her duffel bag and rushed for the stairs.

Sam flinched at the sound of the door opening, but you couldn’t focus on his issues when Dean’s hand was threatening to crush yours. “D.? Hey.” You stood and looked up into his teary green eyes, reaching your free hand up to run fingers soothingly through his hair. “I wanna keep my hand. Can you ease up?”

He cleared his throat and loosened his grip, but he didn’t let it go. “Sorry, I-”

“I get it,” you assured, nodding. “She’ll come around. She just needs time to-”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. Can we not?” he begged, and the way his voice broke made your heart hurt.

You nodded again. “Okay. D-do you want me to…do you want a drink or-”

Dean dropped your hand and grabbed your hips, crashing his lips into yours so hard that your teeth bit into the inside of your lips. You groaned at his intensity and grabbed his head with both hands, pushing him back just enough to take some of the pressure off of your lips. He pushed you back to lie on the table, his hands slipping under your shirt to grasp at your breasts. You whimpered as he moved to bite along your jawline, heat pooling between your legs as he roughly pinched your nipples through the material of your bra.

Your eyes fell on Sam, still standing in the entrance of the Library and his eyes dark with lust as he watched your twin groping at you. “More,” you whined, keeping eye contact with Sam as Dean slipped his hand into the front of your jeans to slide his middle finger into you. Sam licked his lips and stepped silently backward down the stairs into the War Room, but you could see him stop just past the Map Table and undo his belt.

Your attention snapped back to Dean as he pulled his hand out of your pants and tucked his fingers in your waistbands, tugging your jeans and panties to your ankles. His hand immediately returned to your pussy, first and middle fingers pushing into your cunt and pumping harshly. “Oh, God, Dean! Yes! Just like that! _Fuck_!” You were being a bit more vocal than normal, a little louder with your moans, breathier with your begging. You wanted to make it good for Sam, too.

Dean grabbed your legs and pushed them up, knees to chest, and you grabbed the backs of your thighs to hold them in place as he undid his pants. He licked his bottom lip between his teeth and watched intently as he pushed his cock into you. He pulled you closer to the edge of the table and pushed until his hips were flush with your ass, his thick cock buried in your cunt. “Fuckin’ hell, D.”

His jaw clenched as he started to thrust, hard, powerful, and just a bit painful, forcing your body to slide across the smooth wood surface of the table. He pulled you back to the edge with each thrust until he planted his right hand above your left shoulder to keep you from moving away.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, Dean, fuck, I can’t, fuck,” you rambled in a high-pitched whine as he grunted above you.

Dean pulled out and stepped back from the table, starting to frantically run his fist up and down his length. You slipped off and onto your knees in front of him without a thought, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue to lick the head of his cock. He wrapped his fingers in your hair and tugged gently as his dick twitched and shot cum across your tongue. You licked at the cum that remained and swallowed it all down before shakily standing to fix your clothes.

He tucked himself back into his jeans, but didn’t bother fastening the belt. He pulled you into his arms as soon as you were dressed and pressed his lips to the top of your head. “Fuckin’ love you, y/n.”

“I know, Dean. I love you, too,” you whispered.

He looked down into your eyes and swallowed heavily. He was on the edge of tears again. “You can’t leave again. I…with Mom…I can’t…”

You reached up and caressed his cheek and he nuzzled into your touch. “I’m not going anywhere, D. Promise.”

“No Miami. No Maine. You don’t get to leave-”

“I’m right here and I’m not going to leave again. Promise me the same.”

A tear escaped him and you wiped it away as he nodded. “Promise.”

“We may not have Dad and we may not have Mom’s support, but we always have each other when it counts. You have me and we have Sammy. Everything… _everything_ will be okay.”

“Ya know…I believe it when you say it, sis.”

You casted a look toward the War Room, happy to see your little brother wasn’t still standing by the Map Table jacking off. “Come on, let’s get some sleep. I’ll make waffles in the morning.”

Dean nodded, granting you a twitchy little smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but made you happy for his effort. “Sounds awesome.”

 


	4. Participation

**Chapter Warnings:**   incest (sister wincest), **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** , protected sex, sex in semi-public, oral (fem rec), angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You told him it was a bad idea. You even told him ‘no’, but damn if that word meant anything when it came out of your mouth. Neither of your brothers seemed to ever hear it. “Not here”, “Not now”, “Dean’s right there”, “Someone might hear”. Your protests, half-hearted but perfectly valid though they may be, were always ignored.

You were in a small library in Springfield, researching the previous owners of the spirit-laden house you and your brothers were working. Sam had been sitting in the cubicle next to you, going through microfiche of old newspapers while you looked through death certificates. You supposed it was probably the way you were restlessly clicking your heel against the tile that caught his attention, or maybe it was just the fact that your little brother was an insatiable exhibitionist, but something told him it was a good idea to reach his huge left hand over and slip it under the skirt of your fed suit and start running his fingers up and down your panty-covered slit.

You grabbed his wrist, trying to stop him. Dean was somewhere in the library avoiding the research, and the thought of him seeing filled you with fear. “Sam, stop,” you begged in a whisper. “Someone might see! _Dean_ might see!”

“No one’s going to notice if you keep your mouth shut, sis.”

“Sam, please, I-” He pulled his hand from under your skirt and you sighed in relief. “Thank you, Sammy, I just don’t- what are you doing?” The panic was back in full force as Sam slid off of his chair to the floor, slinking underneath the table and maneuvering himself under the cubicle where you sat.

“No one will see this way.”

“No. No, this is a very bad idea. No, Sam, no.”

Sam just shook his head and grabbed your chair, pulling you closer to the table until your body was crushed between the edge and the back of your chair. His hands moved to your knees and you tried to keep your legs together, but then Sam leaned forward to press his lips against your thigh and heat flooded you. “Come on. I can smell you getting wet already,” Sam whispered and you whimpered.

You looked around the library, half hoping to see Dean so that you could give Sam, and yourself, a reason not to do this, but your twin was still MIA. You bit your bottom lip and looked back at the death certificates in front of you, spreading your knees in a silent invitation that your little brother immediately took. He pushed the skirt up and spread your knees wider, running his hands along the inside of your thighs. You whined and put your hand over your mouth, chewing on your thumbnail and focusing on breathing.

You couldn’t focus on breathing, though, not with Sam’s thick fingers slipping along your pussy lips, gathering your wetness and spreading it to your clit with his fingertips. When he slid his middle finger into you, your eyes rolled up and you stopped breathing entirely for a few moments. Sam somehow knew exactly where he needed to touch you on the first try every time. His lips on your inner thigh were a soft contrast to his middle finger fucking harshly into you, curling at your sweet spot every other pass of his digit. You were getting close, so close. Your eyes started going blurry as you approached the edge.

“Hey, you seen Sammy?” You didn’t notice your twin until he was beside you, leaning over the wall over the cubicle, and you almost squeaked in surprise. Sam didn’t stop the motion of his hand, just slowing slightly and attaching his mouth to your clit, barely sucking at it.

You shook your head, managing to keep your voice steady as you looked over at Dean. “Not in a few minutes. You check the head?”

“Nah, not yet.” Dean licked his lips and tapped an index card again the top of the cubicle. “So, how you guys doin’ on the paperwork front?”

Sam’s tongue flicked over your clit as you went to answer and you had to take a shaky breath to calm yourself. “Nothin’ so far. Probably why Sam took a break.”

Dean nodded, the start of a smug smirk on his face. “Well, I was talking to the librarian’s assistant, Missie, and she has lived in Springfield her whole life. Local legend says Bertram Zebediah Zolinsky came home and caught his wife and her lover in bed. He went nuts, killed her, the milkman, their four year old daughter and, finally, himself. So, uh, maybe flip to the last folder and see if that matches up to anything.”

You shook your head and sighed. “What was the last name again?” Dean offered you the index card. Across the front, written in a girly print handwriting, was ‘ **Bertram Zebediah Zolinsky** ’. A flash of color on the back of the card caught your eye and you flipped it over to see a lipstick print and a phone number, signed ‘ **Missie** ’ with a heart dotting the ‘i’.

“I didn’t ask for that. She just gave it to me,” Dean defended, seeing the look on your face.

“She spells her name with an ‘ie’ and dots it with a heart. Is she a teenager?” you snapped as Sam scraped his teeth over your clit.

“She’s twenty-three and not my type.” Dean leaned down to look in your eyes. “She’s not my other half, y/n. You don’t have to be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous! Shut up! Let me look this Zolinsky guy up. Go find Sam,” you said, dismissively. Dean smirked and pressed his lips to your forehead before walking away toward the restrooms.

Sam immediately started sucking hard on your clit, adding another finger to the middle one he was fucking you with, picking the speed up and ramping you up to what was sure to be an amazing orgasm. As your entire lower body started to stiffen in anticipation of release, Sam pulled away. You whined at the loss of stimulus, but quickly found yourself full of anger. He’d risked getting you caught, kept up the game while Dean was right fucking there, just to leave you wet and wanting?

“Fuck you,” you growled as he crawled out from under the table to sit back at the cubicle beside you.

“What?” he asked, smirking and licking at his fingers.

“You know what you did. Dick,” you whispered, adjusting your skirt and avoiding looking at him.

“You didn’t even want me down there. Now you’re mad I left?” he teased.

“Shut up, Sam. Go wash your fucking hands,” you demanded, flipping through the files in front of you, looking for the name ‘Zolinsky’.

Sam scoffed and chuckled, standing to go wash his hands in the water fountain. By the time Dean returned, you’d found Zolinsky. “Bertram Zolinsky and his wife, Matilda, did both die in that house, but I’m not finding any record of a daughter and if Matilda was having an affair it didn’t cause her death. Death certificate says tuberculosis. Bertram died a month later, suicide by firearm.”

“Thank God. I hate little kid spirits. So, we’re dealing with Bertram or Matilda, then,” Dean said, flopping down into the chair Sam vacated.

“Or both,” Sam said, walking up. “Husband and wife haunt team.”

You nodded, trying not to seem pissed off so that Dean wouldn’t ask questions. “Maybe. They’re both buried at Memorial Cemetery. I say we head back to the motel, get some rest, salt and burn ‘em both, see if that takes care of it.”

“Sounds good,” your brothers said at the same time.

“When we get back to the motel, Sammy, you should go grab us dinner. D. and I need some alone time,” Dean’s eyes lit up at that and Sam’s narrowed at you. You continued speaking as you grabbed your suit jacket from the back of your chair, pretending like you didn’t notice the effect you were having on your little brother. “Just an hour or so will do it. I’m wound pretty tight so it shouldn’t take much.”

“Fine,” Sam responded, coldly. “But we’re having salads if I’m buying.”

“As long as it’s got chicken strips on top of all the green shit, fine.” You pushed past Sam as you pulled on your jacket. If he was gonna mess with you, you were gonna mess back.

You were on Dean as soon as the motel room door closed, pulling at his jacket and white dress shirt as you pressed your lips to his. “What’s got into you?” he asked, pulling back from your kiss to undo the buttons on his cuffs to get the shirt off. “I mean, I like it but you can’t tell me looking at death certificates got you this horny.”

“Wasn’t thinking about death certificates, I was thinking about you.” You tossed your dress shirt to the ground and kicked off your heels before shimmying out of your skirt.

“Well, shit. I need to get other bitch’s numbers more often if this is how you’re gonna-” You tackled him backward to the bed, but he immediately flipped you so that he was on top. Dean looked down into your eyes, one hand planted next to your head and the other curled around the back of your neck. “You know it’s just you, right?”

You pushed away the flash of guilt at his words. “I know. Please, D. I need you,” you whispered, leaning up to capture his lips with yours.

He groaned, rutting his erection against your core. “Take the panties off, woman,” he demanded as he reached down to shove his slacks and boxers down.

“Condom,” you reminded, reaching behind your back to unhook your bra and release your breasts.

“Fuck. Yeah. Right.” He sighed and sat back, kicking his pants and boxers off as he rushed for his duffel bag. You were completely nude by the time he made it back to the bed, latex covering his length. “You ready, baby?”

You slid your hand down your body and dipped two fingers into your entrance. They slid in easily with how wet you were. “Fuck, yes, I am. I’m so ready.”

Dean snatched your wrist and pulled your hand away from your pussy, bringing it up to his mouth and sucking your first and middle finger in between his lips. He moaned at the taste of you, running his tongue around your fingertips. “Fuckin’ taste so good.”

“I _feel_ better, you know,” you whispered.

“Yeah, I know,” he breathed out, dropping your hand and wrapping his fingers around his cock to guide it into you. His jaw hung slack as he inched into your pussy. “Oh, my God. You’re so fuckin’ wet. _Fuck_.”

“Dean, please,” you whined, grabbing at his shoulders and licking at his jaw.

“Damn, y/n. Am I not givin’ you enough attention, baby, ‘cause you’re needy as hell lately.” He reached down and grabbed at your thigh, fingertips digging into your flesh as he started to thrust his cock into you. “Used to be I had to work you up to this level. What’s with you?”

“Don’t analyze me,” you groaned, wrapping your legs around him to dig your heels into the small of his back.

Dean chuckled and started moving faster, right hand still groping at your thigh as his left buried in your hair, forcing your head up so he could smash his lips into yours. Your left hand went to the back of his head while your right traveled between your bodies to rub hard circles over your clit.

Your first orgasm hit with no preamble and it rolled seamlessly into the second one. The first was tingles across your lower body that curled your toes and made your pussy clench around him. The second, triggered by your twin’s dead-on aim of his cockhead ramming into your g-spot and the pressure of your clenching muscles, made you scream. It had your vision going blurry and your back arching off the bed like a woman possessed.

Dean stopped and leaned back to look at you. He smiled proudly and licked his lips. “Was that _two_?”

“I said I was wound tight, didn’t I?” you answered, panting.

He nodded, bringing his head down to run the tip of his nose along your cheek. “Just never got two outta you at the same time, sis. You must’ve been-”

You tightened your legs around his middle and rolled, landing him on his back looking up at you. “Why you gotta talk so much?” you complained, reaching between your legs to reposition his cock at your sensitive entrance.

“That’s part of my char- oh, fuck, y/n,” he groaned as you sank down on him. His hands went to your hips as you started to bounce, bracing yourself with your hands splayed across his chest. “You’re so good at that. Gotta let you on top more. _Fuck_.”

You leaned down, rolling your hips instead of bouncing as you pressed your mouth hard into Dean’s. “Stop talking,” you demanded in a whisper.

Dean grabbed your head and occupied his mouth kissing you, his tongue sliding between your lips to tangle with yours as he planted his heels into the mattress and started to fuck up into you. You kept rolling your hips against him, sliding your hands up to grasp at the back of his neck. His jaw hung slack, fingers digging into your scalp as you breathed each other’s air. “I’m gonna cum, y/n. I’m gonna-” He groaned as he thrust hard up into you and his cock twitched as he came into the latex sheath. You took a minute to lazily kiss him before you rolled off and dropped to the bed, exhausted but extremely sated.

Dean pulled away the condom and tied it off, flinging it across the room at the trash can in the corner. He propped himself up with his head rested on his hand to look down at you. “Guess we’re all dealin’ with it different, huh?”

You licked your lips and took a deep breath. “What are you talking about?”

“Mom…leaving. I’m being a dick. Sam’s being understanding. You…you’re focusing on physical fun.”

You rolled your eyes and sat up, kicking your legs over the edge of the bed and walking away to get clean clothes out of your duffel. “Didn’t I tell you not to analyze me?” you snapped.

“Come on. Being a dick is _my_ thing, y/n/n,“ he said, sitting up to watch you pull on clean panties. "Did I do that?” His eyebrows tucked together as he pointed to your thigh and you looked down to see a large dark mark on your left thigh.

Fear flooded your system, anger chasing it, as you came to the conclusion that Sam left a hickey on you. “No. It’s just a bruise. I dropped my Glock yesterday, my thigh caught it.” The lie flowed easily, but the fear didn’t abate until Dean chuckled.

“Was the safety on, at least?”

You rolled your eyes, grabbing a pair of jeans. “Yeah. Make fun. Dick.”

He laughed but you ignored him, rushing to get dressed as you heard the loud engine of the Impala approaching outside the motel room. Sam entered the room five minutes later, no doubt having stood outside the door to make sure there were no sex sounds coming from the other side. He had a Wendy’s bag full of salad containers in one hand and a paper bag in his other hand. “Got you guys burgers, too. I know how you feel about rabbit food.”

“Thanks, Sammy,” Dean said, standing with the blanket wrapped around his middle. “I’m gonna hit the head. Be right back.”

“Put some pants on while you’re in there,” Sam demanded, bending down to grab Dean’s slacks and throw them at him. Your twin rolled his eyes as he snatched the pants out of the air. As Dean disappeared into the bathroom, you sat at the table near the door and pulled out the chicken salad. Sam sighed and sat across from you. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to-”

“You marked me,” you whispered, just loud enough for Sam to hear. “I said ‘no marks’ and you put a fuckin’ hickey on my fuckin’ thigh!”

Sam’s eyes went wide, but nearly as wide as they should have. “Sis, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean t-”

“Oh, shut up! You _did_ mean to. You meant to mark me. You’re _trying_ to get us caught. I’m not doing this if you’re gonna be this big of a fuckin’ brat about it!” you whispered furiously.

Sam scoffed and opened his mouth to respond, but the bathroom door opened and Dean walked out. “Fuckin’ starving.” Dean dropped into the seat beside you and pulled open a square burger.

“So, I think I’ve already found us our next hunt,“ Sam said, pouring a small amount of dressing on his salad. “About two hundred miles south. Looks like a shapeshifter.”

“One job at a time, Sam,” you bit out.

Sam shrugged and stabbed his plastic fork into a leaf of lettuce. “I’ll show ya after we burn the Zolinskys, then.”

You nodded, focusing on your own salad as Dean bit into his burger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In your opinion, Shifters were a three-shower hunt. One when you first get back to the motel to deal with the brunt of the dirt and grime and body bits, one the next morning to deal with what you doubtlessly missed in the first shower, and one more to clean away the mental dirt that seemed to accompany someone stealing your face.

The hunt moved quickly at least, leaving little time for you to dwell on Sam’s complete disregard for the basic rules you’d laid down. You’d been able to give him the cold shoulder without making it obvious that’s what you were doing. You slept in the backseat most of the ride home and you had Dean turn up the Sabbath when you woke up so that you could jam out to Ozzy instead of giving Sam your attention.

You dropped your duffel in your room with the intent to do the laundry later. Grabbing clean clothes from your dresser, your toiletries from your bag, and a towel from the linen box under your bed, you headed for the showers. You whistled as you peeled off your clothes and got into the first stall, turning on the water and adjusting it to the perfect temperature. You were just getting your hair wet when the door opened. The water in the stall to the right turned on and you tried to ignore whichever brother was in the shower room with you, but it became impossible when the vinyl curtain on your stall was ripped aside and Sam crowded in with you.

“You gotta stop ignoring me, y/n,” he said as water cascaded down his face and hair.

“Get outta here, Sammy. I’m trying to get-”

Sam grabbed your shoulders and pressed you into the tile next to the temperature knob and you looked up into his apologetic hazel eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? I was just having some fun and I got carried away. I didn’t mean to put a hickey on you. I am not trying to get us caught. I wouldn’t want you and Dean to be-”

“You can’t do that, Sam. You can’t fuck with me. I…if you’re just gonna-”

Sam leaned his head down, forehead resting against yours. “I’m sorry. I really am. What can I do to make you forgive me?” he asked, his voice soft and emotional.

Damn, why did he have to do the pouty puppy thing? There was no defense for that and he knew it. It wasn’t even remotely fair.

You licked your lips and tried to move your head away from his, only to be stopped by the tile. “It’s okay, Sammy. I forgive you,” you whispered.

He smiled a triumphantly and leaned his head harder into yours. “Can I make it up to you? Promise, no marks.”

“Sam,” you started to protest, but swallowed it down as he ran his hands down your back to grab your ass with both hands. You moaned and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Sam growled into your mouth as he hauled you up to wrap your legs around his waist, holding you to the cold tile with his chest. His lips slid from yours, trailing along your jawline to your neck and you whined as his left hand grabbed the hair at the base of your head and yanked your head to the side, exposing your neck to him.

The pain sent a jolt straight to your clit and you gasped. “Does Dean know you’re a slut for pain?” he mumbled into your skin.

“I…I don’t…” you gasped as he twisted his hand harder in your hair. “ _Fuck_. Probably. He doesn’t use it against me like you, though.”

“Really should, huh?” Sam guided your face back to his, kissing you and licking at your tongue. “Gets you wet as fuck, doesn’t it?” he asked, pulling back. You nodded as best you could with his hand still firmly in your hair.

Sam opened his mouth to speak again but stopped when the heavy oak door of the locker room was pulled open. Your eyes went wide and you dropped your legs, pushing Sam away from you as he let go of your hair. You went to your hands and knees on the wet tile, scrambling under the wall into the next stall before Sam could even react.

You turned your back to the curtain, adjusting the water to hide your doubtlessly blushed cheeks. Cool air rushed into the stall as Dean slipped in behind you and wrapped his arms around you. “Hey, you.”

You leaned back into his chest, reaching back to grab his neck and pull him closer. “Hey.”

Dean’s hands slid down your body, settling on your lower abs. “You okay?”

You turned in his arms and looked up into his shining green eyes. “You came in and interrupted my shower to question my mental state?”

Dean opened his mouth to argue with your incredulous tone but you just pulled his head down for a kiss. He went with it for a minute, but pulled back quickly and looked down into your eyes. “I came to wash your back, y/n/n. Not everything’s about sex, baby.”

You let out a loud, pig-like, snort and shook your head. “Fuckin’ hilarious, dude.”

Your twin’s offense was on full display on his face as he stepped back. “What’s that supposed to mean, y/n?”

You rolled your eyes and turned back into the spray of the water. “Doesn’t matter.”

Dean grabbed your shoulder, twisting and pushing you until you were in the same position you were in ten minutes earlier; pressed between the shower tile and your brother’s body. “You think I’m just in this for your body?” he asked, eyebrows tucked together in anger and sadness.

You licked your lips and looked away from his face. “Doesn’t matter. I know what I’m good for, D.”

“Hey,” he whispered, cupping your chin and forcing you to look at him. “I love you. You’re not just some piece of ass. I love you. I thought you knew that. I thought I made that clear.”

“D. I…I don’t know. Maybe I’m just…” You swallowed. You couldn’t explain it to him. “I’m just PMSing or something,” you covered.

"Not for another week, you’re not. You’re only on day seventeen,” he said, running his thumb along your jawline. “Tell me what’s wrong, sis.”

Your eyes went wide as you looked up at him, shocked that he knew your cycle and exactly where you were on it, and your mind struggled for something to say to him. There was no way to explain that you were struggling with the guilt, and the consistent role you were playing with your brothers. You couldn’t explain that as much as you enjoyed them, these sexual encounters had started to feel like the only reason your brothers paid you any attention.

It probably wasn’t true. Your brothers loved you. They cared about you. It just always seemed to manifest into makeout sessions and mind-blowing sex these days.

The water in the first stall turned off and you and your twin both turned toward the sound of Sam’s large bare feet on the wet tile. The curtain on your stall ripped open to reveal your little brother, clad only in a towel. “Hey!” Dean’s exclamation echoed through the room as he moved to shield you from Sam’s view. “A little privacy, dude!” he demanded, looking over his shoulder.

“Dude, I have seen your ass a thousand times. It’s nothing new,” Sam started.

“It’s not _my_ ass I don’t want you seeing!”

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed, comically loud. “Just leave the relationship drama for when I’m not around. It’s awkward.”

“Maybe don’t eavesdrop on our-”

“He was right in the next stall, D. He wasn’t eavesdropping.” Dean rolled his eyes and muttered a ‘whatever’. “Now, Sam, if you’re done with my shampoo and stuff, can you hand it over? D.’s gonna wash my back.”

Sam nodded, reaching into the first stall to grab the travel bag with your toiletries. Dean raised an eyebrow at you as you slipped a hand past him to grab your bag. “What? He likes the way the rosehips shit makes his hair feel.”

“Don’t judge me just because you use Old Spice on every part of your body, Dean,” Sam said, walking away.

You smiled at Dean as you handed him the bottle of Dove body wash and turned around, pulling your hair over one shoulder to get it off your back.

Luckily, Dean focused on his task instead of bringing the conversation back up and you were just fine to get lost in the feel of his hands roaming your body. It was easy to forget everything with those soap-covered fingers pressing along your curves, and when he started to massage shampoo into your scalp your worries and fears were completely chased away. There was something about being cleansed by your brother’s touch that stuck with you. This wasn’t about sex. This really was about him caring for you.

You tried to keep that thought in mind as you worked on your laundry later that day. Your brothers loved you. Undeniably, they did. They were both trying to make up for lost time, is all. And Sam was just overcompensating for the connection you and Dean shared as twins. It was definitely an interesting set-up.

You spent so much time at a distance, maybe it was just hard to remember that Sam and Dean actually cared. Maybe the near-constant sex was just the best way to reestablish the connections with them.

“You’re in your head again.” Sam’s voice pulled you from your thoughts and you nodded, looking up from the shirt you were folding to give a tight smile. He pushed the laundry room door closed and stepped up to the counter you were sitting on, slotting himself between your legs. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

You shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Come on, y/n. I can’t help if you don’t explain the issue.”

You bit the inside of your lip and sighed. “I really don’t fully know. I think the sneaking around is getting to me.”

“We can stop.” You looked away from Sam. You didn’t want to stop, you just wanted to stop feeling bad about it. “Seriously. If you want to stop, we can. I’m not ever gonna be able to go back to acting like I don’t want you but-”

“No, I don’t-” You sighed and looked back into his eyes.

“I heard what you said. And I’m sorry,” he said, softly.

“Sam-”

“I spent years pretending I didn’t want you and I’ve been stupid about it since I got the chance. I’m sorry. I love you, okay? I don’t want you upset and I don’t want you to think that-that sex is all you’re good for. It’s what _feels_ good but…” Sam reached out and ran a soothing hand over your hair. “We can stop,” he whispered.

You shook your head, just slightly. “I don’t want to stop.”

There was a grateful sparkle in his eyes as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in closer. It wasn’t often you were the instigator and maybe that was the problem. “You still haven’t made up for the hickey on my thigh,” you whispered into his mouth.

He actually _growled_ , grabbing your hips and pulling you to the edge of the counter and biting down on your bottom lip. “Gonna make it up to you, sis. Make you cum 'til you can’t fucking move.” He pushed you back to lay on the counter, pulling your jeans and panties down to slide off your bare feet and drop to the floor. He kissed his way up your left leg, his hands massaging your calves. You moaned as he pressed his lips to your mound, gasping when he snaked his long tongue out to lick along your slit.

“Oh, fuck, Sam. It’s so good,” you moaned, burying one hand in his hair and grabbing the edge of the counter with the other. Your breath caught in your chest as he started moving his tongue in rapid back and forth motions over your clit, middle finger of his right hand teasing at your soaking entrance. “I need it,” you whined.

“Need what, sis?” he teased, slowly sliding his finger into you.

“You _know_ what! Don’t make me beg.”

“But I love when you beg,” he said, but he started to pump his finger in and out of your cunt anyway, licking at your clit and the folds surrounding it. You dropped your head to the counter, jaw hanging slack and eyes closed against the feeling of his thick digit curling against your walls.

It was perfect. Just enough pressure of his tongue on your clit, just enough stimulation of your g-spot. He was groaning into your cunt, enjoying himself as much as you were, and the vibrations sent you spiraling, silently screaming as your orgasm crashed over you.

Sam pulled away and stood to his full height, licking his fingers as he smiled down at you. “You okay?”

“I’m so okay it’s not funny,” you responded, lazily opening your eyes. “My legs are jelly and I just wanna lay here for the next week, but I’m way okay.”

He smirked slightly and leaned down to grab your pants and underwear from the floor. “Probably wanna put these back on those jelly legs,” he suggested, setting them in your lap.

You nodded and sat up. “I love you, Sammy.”

“I love you, too, y/n.”

You leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek and slid your feet into the legs of your jeans. You hopped down from the counter, pulling your clothes on and smiling at him. “I’m thinking we should all do Netflix and pizza tonight. Zombies or Whitewalkers?”

“Let’s go with zombies. Dean’s still on season three and we need to get him caught up.”

“Sounds good, Sam. I’ll set it up in my room after I finish this load, okay?”

“I’ll go get the pizza,” Sam volunteered.

“No pineapple. I don’t want to hear D. bitch about it the whole night, ya know?”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, all right. For you, I’ll forgo the pineapple.” He leaned down and bumped his nose against yours. “This time.”

You smiled at him fondly as he walked out of the laundry room. You felt good. Everything was going to be fine.


	5. Explanations

**Chapter Warnings:**  incest (sister wincest), **18+ HERE BE SEX! DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!** , protected sex, oral (male rec), angst

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asa Fox was a legend, so it didn’t surprise you how many hunters showed up for his wake. What did surprise you, though it shouldn’t have, was walking into the room and coming face to face with blue eyes and a drunk smile. “Y/n! Look'it'cha! Buck, dunnit she luck feckin’ gorgeous?”

You grabbed a bottle from the tub of ice and turned to the men at the table. “The wake’s barely started, Jesse. Try not to be a stereotype.”

“Wait. Y/n? Y/n Winchester?” the man sitting with Jesse asked, his eyes lighting up. “Sam and Dean Winchester’s sister? The one who took out an entire pack of werewolves, singlehanded, back in ‘08?”

“I had help.” You looked around to make sure that your brothers weren’t around. “And I kinda wanna keep that on the DL, thanks. My brothers would freak if they heard that story. “

“You were brill, lass! An’ I was jus’ eye candy on that hunt.”

“Jesse always goes on about you when he’s had a few. I thought- never mind.”

“Thought what?” you asked, prying the cap off of the bottle by levering it against the edge of the tub.

“Well, I ain’t ever heard of you being with anyone except Jess so I thought maybe he was lying. Maybe you were…I mean, we’re pretty tolerant here in Canada, so I-”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not a lesbian and he’s not a liar…not to you, anyway. Jesse and I went together while Dean was in Hell.”

“I was the eejit walked away from my asthore jus’ cuz har twin scared me.”

You shook your head, the nickname sending pangs of nostalgia through you. “You can’t call me that, Jesse.”

“I was gon’ marry this'un,” he said, pointing a sloppy finger at you but turning to look at the other man. “Picked out a pretty Claddagh an’ was gonna-”

“Shut up!” you exploded. His eyes went wide. “You fucking left! You could have stayed, fought, proven Dean wrong, but you didn’t! You left! You don’t get to talk about buying a fucking ring when you fucking left!”

Your outburst caught Sam’s attention and he was suddenly in the doorway to your right. “Y/n, what’s-” His gaze went hard as it landed on the drunk Irishman. “Jesse.”

“Sam! Sam, Sammy, how’re ya?”

Your little brother ignored Jesse’s slurred words and put his hand on your shoulder. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” you answered, automatically and dishonestly. Sam saw through it and pulled you into him for an embrace.

“What’d you do, Jesse?” he demanded.

“Sam, yer uh-sposed ta be the raisinable one.”

“I think I’ve been pretty reasonable not tearing you to pieces for breaking her heart in the first place. You don’t get a pass for making her cry now.”

You didn’t point out that you weren’t actually crying, instead drowning in the comfort Sam provided. “I was jus’ tellin’ ‘er ‘bout the Claddagh I was gonna buy ‘er,” Jesse defended.

“You were going to _propose_?”

“Yeah. Tha’s what I’s doin’ when Dane threatened ta take my head; I’s askin’ fer his blessin’.”

“Really?” the man next to Jesse asked.

“Yeah! See, tha’s why ya don’ hear ‘bout ‘er with men, Buck. ‘cause ‘er twin chases ‘em off.”

“Not just her twin,” Sam growled. “You don’t talk to her. Ever again. Understand?”

Jesse scoffed. “Feckin’ Winchesters.”

“Shut up, you piece of trash!” you exclaimed as Sam walked you out of the kitchen. Your little brother shushed you as he ushered you up the stairs and into a small guest bedroom. “What the fuck was _that_?” you whispered as you flopped down on the full-size mattress.

“I know, I’m sorry. I got possessive and-”

“No, not _you_. Jesse and Dean! How could he not tell me that Jesse was trying to get his blessing when Dean sent him away?” You rubbed your hand down your face. “I’m just so tired of the half-truths from Dean about Jesse. I wish I knew what was really fuckin’ said, ya know?”

“I know what was said,” Sam responded, sitting next to you.

“Really?” you asked incredulously.

“Yeah and so do you. Think about it. Knowing Dean, knowing how he feels about you…how he’s _always_ felt about you. He came back from Hell, expecting everything would have stayed the same while he was gone and instead he finds that you not only found someone but fell in love so deeply that Jesse wanted to marry you after only four months? Yeah, we know what he said.”

You sighed, knowing Sam was right. It was easy to know exactly how Dean’s talk with Jesse went. It went exactly how Dean said it did, except he wasn’t just convincing Jesse that he was going to eventually break your heart, he was convincing him that he didn’t really want to marry you.

“Yeah.” You nodded.

“You okay?” Sam asked, rubbing his hand down your back. You nodded again, moving through your anger a lot faster than you would have in the past. Sam smiled and leaned down, pressing his lips firmly to yours. “Wanna go back downstairs?” You returned his smile with a nod and stood.

You found Dean in what was obviously Asa’s office, an angel blade in his hand. “Hey,” you and Sam greeted.

“Oh, hi. This is a real angel blade. I mean, this guy was legit.”

“Did you know people tell stories about us?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. Apparently, we’re a little bit legendary.” Dean set the blade back in its case and turned to you. “My favorite story was about a twenty-nine year old hunter chick going in and taking out a vampire nest seven strong with nothing but a machete.”

You sighed heavily and licked your lips. Fucking hunter functions. Your father was right when he said nothing good can come from gathering this many hunters together in one place. You were going to have to set the record straight, unfortunately. “They were werewolves.”

“Oh, ‘cause _that’s_ better,” Dean started, but you continued.

“And there were _nine_ of them.”

“Are you kidding?!” Sam exploded.

“See? _This_ is why I never mentioned it.”

“You went against nine wolves, the biggest pack I’ve heard of, without even taking silver bullets with you?” Dean asked, anger and fear shining in his eyes.

“Jesse was on bullet duty! I was supposed to be _his_ backup but his gun jammed on the first shot so I had to step up.”

“His gun jammed?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, so I went in with my machete. Guys, I obviously survived.”

“That scar that was on your shoulder when I got back from Hell? It was wolf claws, wasn’t it?” Dean demanded. “He let you get all clawed up? I’m gonna kill him!”

“Dean, stop!” you exclaimed. “Those scars are gone since…since we got back from Heaven. And there’s already one dead hunter here tonight, we don’t need two.”

Dean sighed and pulled you into a tight embrace. “You’re lucky I love you enough to listen to your rational bullshit.”

“You’re lucky I love _you_ enough to not get mad that you didn’t tell me about the ring Jesse wanted to buy me.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he pulled back. “He didn’t even buy you a ring. He was ‘ _thinkin_ ’ about it.”

“Still. Probably should’ve shared that bit of knowledge,” you said, smiling up at him. “At the very least I wouldn’t have been caught so off-guard when his drunk ass brought it up earlier.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Dean smiled at you softly for a minute. “I won’t kill him…this time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When your mother walked into the parlor, you could feel Dean turn to stone beside you. You had your hand curled around his bicep as you stood with her in the front hall, Sam and Jody flanking you to help keep him grounded. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working.

Jody was understandably shocked no one had mentioned that Mary was back from the dead, but you shrugged it off as not a big deal. “Winchesters have a habit of-”

“But you didn’t even mention it. You two spent the entire ride up here telling me in extreme, _excruciating_ detail how you killed Hitler, but, uh, you neglected to mention the fact that your mom is back from the dead,” Jody accused.

“Yeah, no big deal,” Dean said, smiling tightly.

“That’s a lie.” Jody said with absolute certainty.

“Jody…” you and Dean said, simultaneously.

“Look, maybe this isn’t my place, and this is epic stuff, but…” She took a steadying breath. “…if I could have my son and my husband back? I mean _really_ back? I would give anything, absolutely anything to have that. And it would scare the hell out of me.”

You bit your lip and Dean swallowed, heavily. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah. Because what if I’ve changed? What if they changed? What if it just didn’t work out the way I wanted?” She looked from you to your brother and smiled sadly. “If you wanna talk…about anything, absolutely anything…I’m here.”

“Thanks, Jody,” you and Dean echoed. Jody nodded, stepping away from the door so that the two of you could walk out into the yard.

“You don’t gotta follow me, ya know?” he said as you pulled the door shut behind you. “You can go back inside if you want. I know you aren’t as pissed about Mom as I am.”

“I’m not gonna do that, D. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.” You offered him your flask and he took it with a grateful smile, running his hand down your arm as he twisted the cap off of it and put it to his lips.

“You always come through when I need you,” he said, quietly, licking the whiskey from his lips.

“Not always,” you argued, quietly as he leaned against the side of the Impala. “I’ve gone AWOL a couple times.”

“Not when I needed you. Never when I _really_ needed you.”

“I…I know this thing with Mom is-”

“I love you,” he interrupted. “The thing with Mom is hard, but I have you and…I’ll get over it.”

Dean wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into his side. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he leaned his head against the top of yours. You liked moments like this; when you and your brother just took comfort in each other without a sexual component. These moments that felt like real affection, a real relationship…these moments that felt like love.

You stayed that way for a few minutes, each taking small sips from the flask as you passed it back and forth. The sound of footsteps on the gravel behind you made Dean stiffen. “Go away,” he demanded.

“You’re not the boss of me,” a female voice drawled. You and Dean turned to see a curly-haired woman wearing a leather jacket and boots, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Billie.” Your eyes widened at the name of the reaper. You hadn’t met, but you’d heard the stories. She wanted the Winchesters dead, for good this time. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“My job,” she answered.

“Well, we’re not dead yet,” Dean said, twisting the cap back on the flask and tucking it into his jacket.

“Shame,” Billie quipped. “But actually, I just finished inside. I was reaping a fresh soul.”

You both knew what that meant. Someone inside had just bit it. Sam, Jody and your mom were all on the potential victim list. You ran for the door, hot on Dean’s heels. “Sam! Sammy!” Dean grabbed the door handle, but it did budge. “Hey!”

“You can huff and puff, but that house is on supernatural lockdown.” Billy appeared behind you. “They can’t even hear you.”

You didn’t listen, pounding against the wood, kicking and yelling, throwing your shoulders into the door until the pain got to be too much. Dean turned to Billie as you leaned, a bit exhausted, against the door. “What did you do?” Dean demanded.

“It wasn’t me. I don’t get my hands dirty. _Rules_. I just clean up the mess.” She chuckled. “Still, between us, it’s always nice to see the Winchesters not getting what they want.”

“You think this is funny?” You stood straight and glared at her. “Huh? Hunters are dying in there!”

“Everyone dies.”

Dean turned to stare at the door, his mind obviously working through options. “You got in there,” he said, turning to the reaper and pointing at her. “You got in there to reap that soul. You can get us in.”

“I could…I suppose, but-”

“Do it!” he demanded.

“ _But_ it’s a one-way ticket, for _one_ of you,” she continued. “And you’re gonna owe me.”

Dean turned to you, a question in his eyes. “Go!” you exclaimed, gesturing at the door. “I’ll stay here. Get Sammy safe.” You nodded to Billie, who raised her hand. The door started to glow bright and you had to look away. When you looked back, your brother was gone and the door was back to normal.

“Just us girls, now,” Billie said, cocking her head to the side. “Haven’t really had much time with _you_.”

“Yeah, I don’t die as much as my brothers do.” You moved to sit on the now-empty pedestal where Dean had grabbed a statue to try and bash the door in. “And I had nothing to do with your boss dying, you know?”

“Oh, I know. You were drowning your grief at the time.” You looked away, remembering that Dean left you in his motel room while he went to talk to Death, that you’d woken alone and immediately started to drink your sorrows away. “If it helps any, a child that young didn’t even have a soul to reap.”

“Can you not?” You took a deep breath. “I’m really trying to not hurt about it but I still don’t like to be reminded.”

She hummed and slowly nodded her head. “I don’t have anything against _you_ , you know. You and your mother are the only Winchesters I have no beef with.”

“Well, I’m sure she’s as proud of that as I am,” you said, sarcastically.

“I’m not an enemy here, y/n.”

“Nope. You just wanna drop my brothers into the Empty so they can never come back again.”

“What’s dead should stay dead,” she said simply.

You rolled your eyes. “You know, I don’t know if you’ve ever loved anything, I don’t know if reapers are capable of it, but if you had then you’d understand why we can’t just let each other stay dead.”

“Everyone dies and everyone leaves behind people who _love_ them. What makes Winchesters so damn special?”

“God likes us,” you responded shortly, leaning your head back against the bricks and looking tiredly up at her. You shrugged. “We’re entertaining. We’re a good story. Really, I think that’s all it is.”

She hummed again and disappeared, leaving you to your thoughts.

A couple hours later, the door swung open and the man who had been sitting in the kitchen with Jesse rushed out. You ran in and stopped just short of crashing into your twin. “Hey! What’d I miss?”

“Uh…a lot, actually.” Dean looked over his shoulder at Sam, who cast his eyes away. “It was a demon, one with a vendetta against Asa. Jael.”

“We need to make shrouds for Jesse and Elvis. Where’s the linen closet, Lorraine?” Jody’s voice from the parlor made you cringe.

Dean sighed heavily. “Jesse was the first one Jael got to.”

“The soul Billie was here to reap.” You swallowed and nodded. You weren’t sure how you felt about it. You loved Jesse at one time. Even if you hadn’t left things off happily, you didn’t want him dead.

“Yeah. Sorry. Um…Jael wasn’t actually the one that killed Asa. His best friend, Bucky, the one that almost knocked you over runnin’ out of here? He did it. It was an ‘ _accident_ ’.”

You couldn’t do anything but nod, move forward. “Yeah, okay. Um…you got the demon?”

“Yeah. Collaborative effort. I wish you could’ve seen it. Mom was pretty badass,” Sam said, walking up.

“Sorry I missed it.” You licked your lips as Lorraine Fox walked by with a stack of white sheets. “I…should probably help with-with the shrouds…since I wasn’t here to help with the exorcism.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Do you want-” Sam started, but you just shook your head and pushed past your brothers.

Jesse’s throat was slit, his long brown hair matted with blood. You tucked it behind his ears and looked down at him. “I’m sorry I called you a piece of trash. You weren’t. You were good to me when we were together…before my brother came back. You were a good man, Jesse. You were right to run from my crazy.”

Jody helped you wrap Jesse’s shroud and you moved on to wrap the other hunter, Elvis. You let your brothers and Max move the three hunters to the pyre that was set up outside. You leaned against the hood of the Impala, heads down as the bodies burned, paying your due deference to the dead. Dean had your right hand clasped in his left, Sam had his right hand resting on your lower back, both showing their support with grounding touches.

You watched as Lorraine moved over to the younger set of twins, hugging the girl. A short conversation between Jody and your mom later, Dean was pulling you across the lot to your mother’s side.

“Mom,” Dean greeted.

“You okay?” Sam asked.

“She’s really not,” Billie’s voice came from the opposite side of the funeral pyre.

“Billie,” Sam said, obviously a bit shocked to see the reaper.

“Who’s…” Mary started.

“She’s a reaper,” you answered, wondering if she had been around the entire time or if she had come back.

“She’s the one that got me back inside,” Dean explained.

“And now you owe me one.” Billie’s eyes moved to Mary’s face. “This one. This one right here.”

“What?” you and your mother both asked.

“See, I’m a big believer in ‘What dies, stays dead’. Laws of the universe and all that, so…”

“I didn’t ask to come back here,” Mary defended.

“No, you didn’t. And you hate it.” Your brothers looked to your mother’s face for confirmation but you didn’t. You looked at your boots. “The look in your eyes, I’ve seen it before. It’s a dead man’s look. Eyes that say no matter where you go or what you do, it feels like this world doesn’t fit anymore. Like you’re all alone.”

“Well, she’s not alone,” Dean bit out.

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Your brothers silently begged her to do just that, but she avoided their eyes. Her lips trembled as she tried to form words. Billie stepped closer, her eyes full of too much empathy for someone suggesting what she was. “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to offer you mercy. A one-way ticket upstairs, away from all of this.”

“How would it work?”

“Mom.” The pain in Sam’s voice hurt you more than the fact that your mother was considering Billie’s offer.

“You just kill me again?”

“Reapers don’t kill people. Rules,” Billie responded. You shook your head as realization set in. She’d have to kill herself. Billie wanted your mother to kill herself.

“Well…then…” Mary turned to look at you and your brothers, her eyes catching yours before she continued. “Then I guess you’re just gonna have to wait.”

You smiled, relief washing over you. You were honestly afraid she might do it.

“Winchesters.” Billie said it like a curse word, but it just made you chuckle. “If you change your mind- if _any_ of you change your minds- you know my name.” She disappeared before any of you could answer.

“Does this mean you’re coming home?” Sam asked, a smirk on his lips.

“Yeah,” Mary started, turning to you. “Not _quite_ yet. I just need a little more time.”

“Can we buy you breakfast, at least?” Dean asked.

“Bacon?” she asked.

“All the bacon,” you and Dean responded together.

She smiled brightly, and genuinely. “I would love that.”

Sam nodded toward the Impala and the four of you walked away, feeling almost like a family again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hadn’t seen Sam so stressed in a while. Of course, if anyone was going to inspire that mood in your little brother, it was Lucifer. Dean seemed so confident that you were finally going to end Lucifer, once and for all, but Sam was vibrating with concern.

He _needed_ to relax before you went up against the Devil again…and the Secret Service. Being so on edge wasn’t going to help anything.

You waited until Dean went to bed, dropping by your room to give you a good night kiss before he disappeared into his own. You read for a few minutes before silently slipping down the hall to Sam’s room. You didn’t knock, just pushed the door open and closed it quickly behind you.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Sam responded, looking up from his laptop. “What are you doing up?”

“I was worried that you were in here too worried to sleep, so I couldn’t sleep either.” He smiled tightly as you sat down on the bed next to him. “You gotta relax, Sammy. You’re not gonna be any good for anybody if you’re strung tight and sleep deprived.”

“Lucifer is our fault, Y/n. Every person he kills is our fault.”

“Lucifer is Cas’ fault this time. Not ours. You told him ‘no’. I am so proud of you saying ‘no’.”

“We shouldn’t have been down there. If we hadn’t, then Cas wouldn’t have-”

You reached forward and ran your hand down his cheek. “Sammy. Stop. You can’t put this all on your shoulders. This wasn’t your fault.” He leaned into the touch and you smiled. “You know what you need?”

“What do I need?” he asked, but the lower register his voice had taken told you that he knew exactly what you were about to suggest.

“You need a distraction.”

“A distraction, huh?” he repeated, setting his laptop on the side table and licking his lips as you moved to straddle his lap.

“Uh-huh. You want a distraction? Something to help you sleep, little brother?” He growled and grabbed your hips, pressing his lips to yours and pulling you hard into his lap. You pulled your sleep shirt over your head and tossed it across the room. You leaned forward to try and kiss him again, but he focused on your bare breasts, attaching his lips to your nipple and sucking hard. “Fuck, Sam!” you whispered.

He growled against your skin and you rolled your hips to grind down on the steadily growing erection in his sweatpants. He slipped his hand up the leg of your shorts, fingers easily finding your pussy and rubbing circles across your clit. “No panties. Naughty, sis.”

You gasped as two of his fingertips slid along your pussy lips to push into your entrance. “Panties are over-ah! Overrated.”

“Knew you were gonna come in here and get fucked, huh?”

“Uh-huh…been pl-planning it for hours.” You held onto his shoulders, fucking yourself on his fingers as he swept his thumb back and forth across your clit. “Needed you to relax, baby brother.”

“You sure you weren’t just horny?” he asked, pulling back slightly to look into your eyes. “I haven’t had you in weeks and I know Dean hasn’t fucked you since after he killed Hitler.”

“ _We_ killed Hitler. He pulled the trigger but-” you cut your words off as he pressed his thumb down hard. “I’m here for you, Sammy.”

He pulled his hand away and grabbed the edge of his shirt, pulling it off. “Take ‘em off.” He gestured at your shorts and you stood, shimmying them down your legs as he kicked his sweatpants off. His cock sprung up, hard and proud, and you swallowed as your mouth watered. You went to your knees on the mattress beside him, licking at the thick vein along the side of his length, loving the way his hand buried in your hair and twisted. The pain made your pussy throb and you moaned deeply as you took him into your mouth. “ _Yes_. Just like that. Fuck.”

You scraped your teeth very lightly along the top of his cock as you pulled back, licking at the seam on his balls as you ran your fist up and down him. It didn’t take long for him to be pulling you up his body by your hair, slamming his lips into yours as he blindly groped at his side table to retrieve a condom. His laptop hit the floor with a thunk, but Sam didn’t pull away until he had that foil packet in his grasp.

He grasped your hips as soon as the condom was secure, holding you still as he planted his feet on the mattress and slowly lifted his hips. You dug your fingernails into his shoulders as he impaled you, whimpering as quietly as you could manage as he stretched your cunt. “Oh, god, Sam. Holy shit.”

“Ride me.” He let his hands glide up your body to your breasts, groping them as you started to bounce. High-pitched, whining moans slipped out of you with each movement and you slapped your hand over your mouth to try to muffle the sound, but it didn’t help much. “You look so fuckin’ gorgeous bouncing on my cock. You like how my cock stretches your pretty little pussy, huh? You like it?”

“Uh-huh,” you responded from behind your palm.

“So fucking good. So amazing,” he whispered, his eyes closed and his lips twitching. “Love you.”

You slowed your movements, rolling your hips instead of bouncing and leaning forward to kiss him. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and licked at his tongue. “Love you, too, Sa-”

“ _WHAT THE FUCK_?!” Dean’s voice behind you made you freeze, your whole body going stiff and your eyes going wide. Sam’s eyes snapped open, focusing on yours. Neither of you looked at the doorway where your twin stood, both caught in a limbo of fear and shame.

There was a moment of complete silence, where you couldn’t even hear your own heartbeat or the sounds of Sam’s huffy breathing. A moment of pure tension, which seemed to simultaneously drag on forever and not long enough.

The lamp that sat on Sam’s desk hit the wall on your left and you and Sam both flinched. "Somebody better fucking say something or I am gonna fucking _lose it_!”

You and your little brother both tried the same thing at the same time: scrambling for cover and looking at the floor at your twin’s feet. “Dean, it’s not-”

“Don’t tell me it’s not what it looks like, ‘cause I might be dumb but I’m not _that_ dumb!”

Your eyes flicked up to his face instinctively and you immediately regretted it. The pain in Dean’s eyes was like a punch to the gut. “You’re not dumb, D. I’m so sorry,”

“Dean, it’s not her fault, she was just-”

“Shut up!” Dean demanded, pointing at Sam. “I can take one of you trying to bullshit your way out of this, _not_ both.”

“Dean…” Sam started, but you just shook your head.

“How long, huh? How long has this been goin’ on?!” Dean demanded.

You swallowed and licked your lips, hugging your knees to your chest. “Since the farmhouse. Since the British Men of Letters had us. We thought you were dead and-”

“And it was _my_ idea to keep it going even after we found out you were alive,” Sam jumped in, defensively.

“I said 'shut up’! So you’ve been lying to me for _months_? Sneakin’ around behind my back, fucking another man, just laughing it up that I was too dumb and trusting to see what was right in front of my-”

“No, Dean, it’s been killing me!”

“It wasn’t her idea, Dean! None of it was!” Sam stood, quickly pulling on his sweatpants and tossing his oversized shirt at you before stepping between you and Dean. “She wanted to tell you about what happened at the farmhouse but I convinced her not to. I convinced her to keep it going behind your back.”

“You couldn’t just let me have one thing, one good thing, that was _mine_ , could you?” Dean spat at your brother as you pulled the t-shirt over your head.

“She doesn’t _belong_ to you, dude! You swept in and took claim of her because the Mark made it easy for you, but you aren’t the only one who loves her and-”

“Oh, you’re such a fuckin’ leech, man! You didn’t have a fucking single sexual thought about her before I started-” Dean interrupted.

Sam stepped closer to him, obviously trying to use his height advantage to intimidate but failing based on the look in Dean’s eyes. “I’ve been fighting this feeling for years. Just because I kept it down until I thought you were gone, does not mean that I only felt it because I was leeching off of your interest in her.”

“You need to back the fuck up,” your twin warned and you swallowed as you scrambled off Sam’s bed to get between them. Dean’s eyes snapped to you, green eyes cold and dark as he glared at you. “Don’t you dare.”

“Please, just…” You licked your lips and sighed, running your hand down your face. Every bad feeling you’d had about this situation was bubbling up and you were on the verge of tears, even though you didn’t feel like you deserved to cry. “Dean, please. I am so sorry.”

“Oh, you’re sorry? You’re the one person that I’m supposed to be able to trust completely and you’re _sorry_?”

“Yes! Please! I’m so sorry!”

“‘Please’ what? Please forgive you for fucking Sam? Please forgive you for lying to me for months? Please don’t be pissed off that I found you riding our little brother like your own personal Seabiscuit?!” he shouted.

You couldn’t stop the tears, though you desperately wanted to. You dropped to the end of Sam’s bed, your face buried in your hands. “I’m so sorry. I fucked everything up.”

There was a moment of stillness where the only thing any of you could hear was the sound of you sobbing into your palms.

“ _Fuck_!” Dean exploded and something else hit the wall but you didn’t look to see what it was. “It’s not fair of you to turn on the tears and make _me_ feel like the bad guy for makin’ you cry.”

You pulled your hands away and shook your head. “I’m not-I didn’t mean to-I’m not trying to-”

Dean rubbed his hand across his face, fingertips rubbing harshly at his eyes. “I know,” he whispered, biting at his bottom lip. “You wouldn’t try to manipulate me like that.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and exhaled slowly through his nose. “How’d it start? You thought I was dead so you just hopped on Sammy’s dick?”

“Lady Bevell was torturing her. She needed a distraction from the pain,” Sam answered for you.

Dean let out an incredulous scoff. “Oh, you _distracted_ her! Of course you did! Couldn’t let an opportunity like that pass you by, could you? Not when she was weak and in pain and wouldn’t be able to tell you ‘no’.”

Sam’s face twisted in anger. “Don’t even, Dean. What _I_ did to her is nothing close to what _you_ did. You can’t sit on a high horse when you repeatedly forced yourself on her, punished her for resisting you, got her pregnant and then tossed her aside as soon as the Mark was gone!”

“Bite me, Sam! I had the Mark of Cain and she didn’t tell me about the baby for a fuckin’ year!”

“Because you ran her off by being an unfeeling dick!” Sam snapped.

“Guys, stop!” You couldn’t handle them fighting any longer, especially when the fight was about you. “Please. _Please_ , stop. I…this is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

Your brothers’ expressions both softened as they turned to you. Neither liked seeing the effect their fight was having on you.

“It’s not your fault, y/n. Not _all_ your fault, anyway. We all-we all had a hand in this shit show and-” Dean started.

“We’ve all done wrong here,” Sam continued. “Lying, cheating, hurting each other.”

“Just another Thursday for the Winchesters,” Dean said with only mild bitterness, his lips twitching as they attempted a smile. His jaw clenched and he took another deep steadying breath before nodding. “Okay. Okay. You know what? We’re…we’re gonna table this. Everyone is gonna go to their own beds, _alone_.” You didn’t miss his pointed glare in your direction. “In the morning, we’re gonna pretend like we’re not in some weird love triangle and we’re gonna go take down the Devil. After we win, we’ll come back to…this.”

“Dean, what are you-” Sam started, shaking his head in confusion.

“We got bigger fish to fry right now, right? Am I wrong?” You and Sam just shook your heads. “Okay, so…we kidnap the president, get Lucifer outta him, then we come back here and deal with this like semi-civilized adults. Okay?”

You nodded and stood on shaky legs, something telling you that you absolutely had to be the first person to leave Sam’s bedroom. You disappeared into your room before Sam’s door closed behind you. You whipped his shirt off, tossing it in the clothes hamper and changing quickly into as many layers as you comfortably could.

It felt less dirty to fall asleep enveloped by pajamas, a hoodie, and the thickest socks you owned.


	6. Reunion

**Chapter Warnings:**  incest (sister wincest), angst, feeling worthless, mentions of cheating, canon-appropriate attempted suicide/sacrifice, canon-typical Winchester brothers violence 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You ran your tongue across your bottom lip, chasing an errant drop of whiskey. Three weeks. Three weeks, no word. No Dean popping up, miraculously fine. No Sam walking in and hugging away your depression. You never thought you’d be angry about the enochian sigils Cas placed on your ribs but they ensured no one could find your brothers. They ensured you were alone. Well, not _alone_.

“You okay?” Mary asked, taking her seat on the barstool next to you.

You hummed in response. “Thanks for letting me tag along, Mom. Without the boys, I kinda don’t know what to do with myself.” You tried to keep the bitterness out of your voice but it seeped through anyway.

“I thought you did a few stretches without your brothers. Figured this would be cake.”

“Yeah, well, even when I was away from them, they were pushing my actions. I was avoiding the boys or watching out for them from afar. This…radio silence…it’s killing me.” You ran a hand through your hair and sighed. “They got disappeared to some government black site and I wasn’t there to help them or stop it because I went with Cas and Kelly, which was a waste because I couldn’t convince her to abort the baby and we fucking lost _her_ , too-”

“Stop.” Your mom put her hand on your shoulder and gave a tight smile. “If you hadn’t gone with Castiel, all three of my children would be missing. You might think it was a waste because Kelly ran, but it saved you.”

You were struck with the question of ‘saved for what?’. Your entire world revolved around your brothers. What were you without them? 

“You must be exhausted,” a man in a cheap suit said, leaning against the bar next to you.

“Please don’t,” you said, not turning to him. You didn’t want to be hit on.

“What?” he asked, scoffing.

“Move on, man. Your line’s not gonna work on me. I’m pretty sure that line hasn’t worked on anybody since the ‘70s.”

“Come on, sweetheart. I’m just trying to buy you a drink,” he said, setting a heavy hand on your shoulder.

You turned your head, looking at the limb for a moment before reaching out and grabbing it. Your thumb pressed hard into the back of his hand and you twisted his wrist around. “No, you’re just trying to get your dick wet and you don’t know how to take the word ‘no’.”

“Bitch! Let me go! You’re breaking my wrist!” he moaned.

You pressed your thumb against him harder and shook your head. “Nah, this is just soft tissue damage. I _could_ break some bones if you want.” He rambled out a few panicked ‘no’s and you nodded. “Now, this here is a lesson that I hope you take to heart, asshole. Life is a numbers game. If you continue indiscriminately harassing women, eventually you’re gonna come across a woman who plays with knives and machetes on the daily, who can shoot a dime outta the air from 30 meters, who’s faced down things much scarier than you and would sooner chop this hand off than allow it to continue touching them.”

He whimpered at the threat. “Now, your best bet would be to start walking away when someone says ‘please, don’t’. Understood?”

“Yes!” he gasped out.

“Now, apologize to my mother for interrupting her drink,” you demanded.

“ _Mother_?” You pressed his wrist harder and he squealed. “I’m sorry! Lemme go, please! Fuck!”

You dropped his wrist and pushed him away from you. Mary stared at you as you picked your whiskey back up. “You don’t think that was a bit extreme?”

You sighed. “I need to kill something. We need a case.” She nodded and pulled out her phone. “Something that bleeds, preferably,” you said, taking a drink of your whiskey as she started to scan the news.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your mom was passed out on the full size bed next to you. The exhaustion of your skinwalker hunt had taken her down but you couldn’t sleep. Your head was full of Sam and Dean, Kelly Kline, and Lucifer. 

_“How can you advocate for killing my son after what God did to yours?” Lucifer asked._

_“ **My** son wasn’t going to destroy the world!” you defended._

_“How do **you** know? Don’t forget your brother-lovers started the Apocalypse last time I got out.” He chuckled. “It’s in your blood to mess with things much too complicated for your comprehension. Well, maybe not **your** blood. You’re a bit of an outlier, aren’t you?”_

_“Oh, shut up, dude.”_

_“No, no, admit it, Y/n. You are good for exactly **one** thing, right? You’re no one’s vessel, you’ve never brought about the end times…hell, you’ve never even been to Hell. You are vanilla in every aspect but one. If you weren’t a ready receptacle for your brothers’ dicks, you’d be completely useless!” He turned his eyes on Kelly, his fingers flexing against her throat. “The best part of this is I’m not saying anything that she hasn’t already thought herself. She knows exactly what she’s good for.”_

“Can’t sleep?” Mary’s voice cut through the memory.

You turned over and propped yourself up with your arm under your head. “Yeah, just thinking about Sam and Dean.”

“Your brothers will be fine, Y/n.” She sat up and ran her hand through her blonde locks.

“I just…I miss them.” It was more complicated than that, obviously, but you couldn’t explain that to your mother.

“I know how important your brothers are to you. They’re all you’ve ever had and I’m so sorry for that.”

“Mom, it’s not your fault.”

“No, it is,” she said, sighing. “This all started because I made that deal. If I hadn’t-”

“None of us would exist. Dad would’ve stayed dead and you wouldn’t have had the good years you had with him. Those good years are what he clung to when he was dragging us from hunt to hunt. He wanted to preserve other people’s good years.”

“But what about _your_ good years? Y/n, sweetie, you didn’t have much of a childhood. I know that.”

You stood, heading for the bathroom. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“No, it was John’s,” she said, following you as you filled a paper cup with water from the sink. She leaned against the doorjamb and sighed. “But if I had been there…things would have been so different.”

“You’re not wrong. But we can’t change it, now.” You took a drink of the water and grimaced at the metallic taste. “We are how we are, Mom. We’re hunters and we’re nothing without each other…well, I’m nothing without them. They generally do pretty well without me.”

“You aren’t nothing without your brothers,” she argued.

“You don’t know me very well, if you think that. I am just an attachment to their greatness…an accessory to the legendary Winchester status.”

Mary shook her head, confusion painting her eyes. “That’s not true. I talked to some of those other hunters at Asa’s wake. You have a few stories of your own. You took out all those werewolves. You’ve killed demons and _angels_ …you took down a rougaru all by yourself a few years ago. You aren’t nothing, Y/n.”

You took a deep breath and let it out in a single, harsh sigh. “There were a bunch of years where I thought I’d be happier without my brothers. Thought they were a drag on my life. They always got us into this bullshit that was too much, too big, Apocalyptic…stuff we never should have messed with…stuff we were destined to be a part of that I never wanted to…” You rubbed your hand down your face and shook your head. “Every bit of it was predetermined, Mom. Your deal, your death, Dad raising us in skeevy motels, teaching us to hunt…never really being a dad. I mean…God wrote it this way. He wrote it all this way on purpose.”

You dropped your body to your bed again and stared at the ceiling, your mind slipping back to the morning of the day your brothers were taken.

_“I’m sensing tension in the Winchester clan,” Crowley said, walking up as you prepared for the coming fight. “Lover’s quarrel?”_

_Your eyes instinctively found your twin but you looked away when his emerald eyes jumped to meet yours. “Bigger fish, Crowley,” you said, quietly._

_“What happened? You find him in bed with Suzy from the roadhouse on 32?”_

_Your chest felt tight, guilt forming into a heavy anxiety. “No,” you answered, shortly._

_“Ah, then **he** found you in bed with Sam,” Crowley accused. You purposely avoided looking at him. “He **did** , didn’t ‘e? Must be furious!”_

_“Shut up,” you growled. You looked up and glared at the demon. “I don’t require the King of Hell’s opinion on my life choices, and we’ve already got a bunch of other shit to worry about without you reminding us of our personal-”_

_“I don’t care that you fucked Sam. Saw that coming years ago. I’m just wondering what made you think you could hide it from Dean. Don’t you think, with how hopelessly codependent he is with the Moose, Dean is paying attention?”_

_“What do you mean, you ‘saw it coming’?” you asked, ignoring the question of why you thought you could hide it. You couldn’t answer that question anyway._

_“When Sam asked me to find you for Dean to use.” He smirked and leaned closer. “I’m a demon, luv, I am privy to the darkness of man. I could tell he was jealous that Dean got to have you. It killed him a little that you were the best way to stem the Mark’s affect, that he’d have to watch Dean take you and wouldn’t have his own excuse to do the same. How’d he finally get you, huh? Can’t see Sammy forcing himself on you like yer twin did.”_

_You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “Unless…he did.” Crowley chuckled._

_“Go steal the Devil’s baby momma already, you prick,” you snapped._

You had never looked at it like that. Dean forced you, especially the first few times, but did Sam? You thought about Dean saying ‘when she was weak and in pain and couldn’t say no’. You could’ve said ‘no’, right? You had been fighting it but you wanted it, deep down, right? Sam just took an opportunity to give you what you both wanted. Even Chuck saw it coming.

“I miss them. We have to figure out how to get them back.”

“We will,” Mary whispered, settling into her own bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Following Mary from hunt to hunt didn’t keep your mind off of your brothers. Every day that passed, you hated how you left things with them more and more, and you were terrified that you might never get the chance to make things right. 

Six weeks gone. Six weeks of dreaming of them, wondering if you’d ever see them again. Your brothers. Your lovers. The most important men in your life. 

When Castiel called to say Dean called him, that they had just escaped from a black site in Colorado and needed to be picked up, you cried. You hid it from your mother as best you could, looking out the window as she zipped down the road at over 100 miles per hour, and controlling your breathing to hide your sobs. There was so much relief in the knowledge that they were out, that they were alive and soon-to-be safe.

But you couldn’t help worrying about _after_. After you got the boys back to the bunker, when you would have to finish the conversation that was left on pause a month and a half before. Part of you hoped that Dean had taken the time apart to reevaluate his ideas on sharing…but you figured that was too much to ask. 

You didn’t like that Cas called Mick Davies for help and you didn’t like the way the other man, Mr. Ketch, looked at you like he’d seen the footage from the basement. He didn’t say a word about it, though. 

“This is your idea? The people that almost killed my kids, they’re gonna be our backup? Suddenly, the demon and his mommy don’t look so bad,“ Mary said, snarkily, coming around the front of the car.

“They helped us with Lucifer,” Castiel defended.

“Lucifer? _The_ Lucifer?” Mick asked.

“Yes,” you and Cas answered.

“Wait, so, you’re tellin’ me what happened in Indianapolis was you took on the bleedin’ Devil, himself?” Mick asked.

“Yes,” Castiel answered.

“Did you win?” Ketch asked, a slight air of disbelief on his words.

Castiel looked from the British Men of Letters to you. “Yes.”

The Brits looked at each other, obviously impressed. “Bravo.” 

“But Sam and Dean were taken. We think we can get them back, but we need…help,” Mary said.

“So, we’ll help,” Mick said like it was the simplest thing.

“Really?” Mary asked.

“Just like that?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Mrs. Winchester…Y/n…” Mick stepped forward. “I came to this country to do one thing: Make friends. But you American hunters, you’re…you’re a different breed than our sort. You’re surly, suspicious. You don’t play well with others,” Mick started.

“Well, that is accurate,” Castiel commented. You and Mary gave the angel almost identical bitch faces. 

“You don’t trust people you don’t know, even when they come bearing gifts. Now, I can’t help that, but I can help you. And if word were to get out that we did our part to save Sam and Dean Winchester, well, that’s just good business, innit? And who knows? When all this is over, we might even be friends.”

“Friends? Mick…you remember what Toni did to me, right?” you asked.

“You and Sam dealt with it,” Mr. Ketch quipped, the look in his eyes confirming that he knew exactly how you ‘dealt’ with the pain.

“Yeah, we did, but that doesn’t mean I’m excited to be friends with the people that injected me with whatever liquid fire torture came after the blowtorch to my feet,” you bit out.

“Understandable, but…we’ll try our best anyway.” 

Mick smiled at you as Mary leaned against the hood of her car. “We think Sam and Dean were being held somewhere in the Rocky Mountain National Forest.”

“Site 94? It’s a government facility, off-books. Shadow ops. One of those places that officially doesn’t exist,” Ketch said. 

“Then how do you know about it?” your mom asked.

“We gather information. It’s our job,” Mick said.

“They told us to meet them off State Route 34,” Cas tried to help.

“Which is a pretty long stretch of road and we don’t know where they’re comin’ up for air,” you said.

“I’ll get our techs to put a satellite over the area,” Mick offered.

“You can do that?” Mary asked.

“And so much more.”

“Do you have any idea what sort of trouble we’re walking into?” Ketch asked Castiel.

“No.”

Ketch smiled. “Oh, good. I do like a surprise.”

It was fairly quickly that Mick told you the satellite had picked up your brothers in a gunfight with several paramilitary guys in a small cabin, and the five of you figured out the best area between the cabin and Route 34 to wait for them as the sun dipped lower and lower. The sound of them stomping through the underbrush turned your attention as they came crashing into the small clearing.

“Sam, Dean,” Cas said on a relieved breath. Your heart swelled at the sight of your twin and younger brother.

They both breathed the angel’s name and Sam wrapped Cas in a hug. “Mom,” Sam breathed as his eyes fell on Mary. He pulled away from Castiel and enveloped your mother in a hug before slinging an arm out and drawing you in. You tried not to cry into his shoulder as he hugged you, but a few tears fell, a few sobs pulled from your chest.

Dean hugged the angel and watched as Sam attacked you and your mom with love. “Hey, buddy.” Dean patted his shoulder and moved to hug Mary. 

Sam didn’t let you go, wrapping both of his arms around you as Dean hugged your mom. “I’m so happy to see you,” he whispered.

“Me, too, Sammy,” you muttered into his chest, breathing in the smell of dirt and gunpowder and _Sam_. 

As soon as Sam moved away from you, Dean was in his place. “My other half,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head. “Fuckin’ missed you.”

“Oh, God, I missed you, too,” you responded, just barely audible. Your arms wrapped around him, your hands clasping at the middle of his back. You were overcome with a desire to apologize, to list your sins and beg absolution from your twin, but you couldn’t yet. Not here, not in front of your mother.

“Come on, let’s go,” Sam said, walking away toward the road. 

Dean waited until Mary had followed your baby brother through the trees before he pulled away enough to look in your eyes. “I love you. So fuckin’ much.” He pressed his lips against yours and you whimpered into his mouth. “Come on.” He pulled you by the hand to follow Sam and Mary.

“Mom, how did y'all even find us?” Sam asked, as the group of you emerged from the wood line. 

“They helped.” Mary nodded at Mick and Ketch, leaning against the hood of their Bentley.

“Hello, lads,” Mick greeted.

“They have a thermal imaging satellite that saw you…from space.” Cas’ words were stilted, like he wasn’t sure he was saying the right thing, and Sam and Dean both looked confused.

“Well, we don’t _have_ one, just borrowed it for a bit. Friends in all the right places,” Mick corrected with a smile.

“Well, I guess this is where we’re supposed to say 'thank you’.” Dean stiffened as he spoke and you squeezed his hand to try to comfort him.

“No need. Happy to be of service,” Mick said.

“ _Again_ ,“ Ketch stressed.

"Maybe you’ll eventually make up for torturing my brother and sister,” Dean snapped.

“Okay, then. We should get,“ Sam said, gesturing at the trees. “The people we left, they’ll call for backup any second.”

“Uh, you left survivors?” Ketch asked, looking confused.

“Of course they did,” you said immediately, as Sam squinted at Ketch and nodded.

“They were soldiers, just doin’ what they were told,“ Dean said, like he was speaking to a child.

“Still…a bit unprofessional,” Ketch finished.

“We’re not assassins or soldiers, Mr. Ketch,” you spat out.

“We’ll handle it. Let’s get,” Sam said as Dean pulled your arm until you were back to his side and the two of you headed for the back seat of the car. He tucked you into his side in the back seat and wrapped an arm around you as your mom drove off. 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t find you. I should’ve stayed with you guys,” you whispered. 

“It’s okay. It’s better you went with Cas.”

You shook your head and leaned into his shoulder, not caring if your mother thought it was too intimate. You needed to feel him, needed to confirm this was real. If your mother weren’t in the car, you would have climbed into his lap.

His hand rested on your thigh, fingertips digging in like he was trying to confirm the same, that you were real and really there with him. He pulled away when the radio spontaneously turned on, sending a sound of static through the car as the engine died. 

“It’s time,” Sam said, turning slightly in the passenger seat as the car slowed to a stop.

You followed your brothers out of the car and looked around in confusion. “What’s happening?” Mary asked. Your eyes flicked from Sam’s face to Dean’s.

“Yeah, Dean,” a familiar voice called from the middle of the bridge. You turned to see Billie, arms crossed over her chest. “Sup?”

“Billie?” Mary asked, but your voice was stuck in your throat. Billie being there was bad all around. 

“The reaper?” Cas asked.

“I don’t understand.” Mary turned to look at your brothers.

“Mom…that place…there was only one way we were getting out of there, and that wasn’t breathing,” Dean responded. You shook your head, tears popping up in your eyes. “So I made a call.”

“Dean talked with her and then Billie came to see me. And we made a deal. We’d get to die and come back one more time, but in exchange…” Sam started. He was having a hard time looking at you, Mary, and Castiel.

“Come midnight, a Winchester goes bye-bye. Like, permanently,” the reaper said, smugly, as Mary stepped right in front of your brothers. You sat against the hood of the car, hand over your mouth. “And that is something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time.” 

“Why would you-”

Dean cut your mother off. “We were already dead. Being locked in that cell with nothing…I’ve been to Hell. This was worse.”

“At least this way, one of us gets to keep fighting,” Sam reasoned.

“You don’t have to do this,” Cas said harshly as your mind went through the options. Sam or Dean, either of them dying was going to be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen…you couldn’t allow it.

“Yeah, they do. We made a pact, bound in blood.“ Billie’s tone was teasing, amused. "You break that, there’s consequences on a cosmic scale. So, who’s it gonna be?” 

Dean was going to volunteer, the way he looked at Sam tipped you off, but before he could do what he was planning, you turned to face the reaper, pulling your gun from your jacket. “Me.”

“Y/n,” Dean said. “Y/n.”

“No,” Sam said at the same time. “No.”

Billie flung your brothers backward with her powers. “You said, come midnight a Winchester dies? I’m a Winchester,” you reasoned.

"You can’t do this, Y/n,” your mom said. “Let me.”

“No. No, you were dead most of our lives. Sam and Dean have both done the sacrifice thing before. I’m the only one who hasn’t…and…I’m good for one thing.” You looked past Mary to your brothers, both of who looked distraught that they were about to have to watch you kill yourself. “Lucifer was right, I’m good for exactly one thing. Now I’m good for two. Let me do this.”

“Works for me,” Billie responded.

You cocked your gun and set the barrel against your temple as your brothers shouted for you to stop and your mother squeezed her eyes shut. “I love you all,” you said, finger twitching against the trigger.

The piercing sound of an angel blade through flesh forced you to turn to the reaper, blinding light bursting through her as she died. Cas stood behind her, looking almost surprised as she fell to the pavement.  “Cas, what have you done?” Dean asked, looking down at the body.

“What had to be done. You know this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let any of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me…to everything.” The angel was right on the edge of tears as he spoke and you were close yourself, as you looked down at the gun. You could still feel the weight of the barrel against your face. It felt like it would be imprinted there forever. “Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal and I broke it. You’re welcome.”

You tucked your gun back into your jacket and slid back into the backseat. Dean set his hand on your thigh again but didn’t pull you into his side again as your mother drove you back to Kansas.

The silence in the car was deafening. Dean kept glaring at Cas, but you didn’t see it. You were stuck on that road, your gun to your head, prepared for the grand Winchester tradition of sacrifice. How your brothers had made that choice so many times was beyond you. You didn’t see how you were going to get past it.

Mary pulled into the bunker garage and everyone filed out of the car. Your limbs were heavy, your head pounding. You felt a bit like you were moving through syrup.

“You stickin’ around, Mom?” Sam asked as you grabbed your duffel bag out of the trunk and shuffled toward your room.

“Might stay a night.”

“Y/n,” Castiel’s voice made you turn. You took a deep breath as he approached you. “Lucifer is never right. You’re good for more than…more than just what you can do for Sam and Dean. You’re an amazi-”

“Thank you, Cas,” you interrupted with an obviously false smile. “You’re a real friend.” You nodded at him and kept moving, making it to your room and locking the door. 

You were staring at the ceiling, still feeling numb and heavy, when a knock came to your door. “Hey, sis. You awake?” Dean asked, quietly. You didn’t answer, debating letting him think you were asleep. You couldn’t deal with him yet. You couldn’t deal with anything. “Come on, Y/n/n. I can hear you _thinking_ in there.”

“I’m tired. Go away,” you managed to say. The clicking of your lock being picked made you sigh. Dean was going to do what he wanted.

Your door opened just enough for him to slip inside before it clicked shut behind him. “Hey.”

“Please, Dean. I can’t…I can’t talk right now,” you whispered, turning on your side and curling in on yourself.

“Don’t gotta,” he whispered back, his voice deep and soothing, somehow warming the numbness and cold that had seeped into your bones. Your bed creaked and the mattress dipped as he climbed on behind you. “Don’t say a word, baby. Just lemme hold you.”

As he settled behind you, holding you tight to his chest, you couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your cheeks, into your hair and soaking the pillow. His whispers of, “Everything’s gonna be okay,” and “I love you” eventually lulled you to sleep.

He was still in bed with you in the morning when you woke. Your eyes were burning, your head pounding with dehydration and all you wanted was a shower and a giant bottle of water. But Dean’s arm was still holding you to him, and the soft snoring told you he wasn’t ready to wake. So you laid there, fully awake with your eyes closed against the burn of salt left behind by your tears, wondering what was going to happen when your mom left the bunker, when it was just you and your brothers. 

It seemed absurd that you were worried about a stupid love triangle, about the aftermath of lying to Dean, when you’d been ready to shoot yourself in the head for your brothers the night before. 

“You been usin’ new shampoo. You don’t smell like rosehips.” Dean’s breath cascaded across your cheek as he spoke but he didn’t move. You opened your eyes but didn’t try to turn to him.

“Ran out a couple weeks ago. Mom uses strawberry VO5. Smells like candy…Twizzlers.”

He hummed and moved to press his lips to your jawline. “Like the other smell better. Much as I like the thought of you as candy…it’s not you.”

“D., I-” you started as his hand traveled down your body to settle on your hip.

“Don’t worry. Not gonna fuck you, Y/n. 'Cause you’re good for more than just sex.” His lips pressed to your neck and you let out a soft sigh. “Almost had to see you die. Never again.”

“Had to see you do it.”

“I know, and I’m sorry you had to see the hounds tear me apart, and Sammy jump into the Cage and every other-”

You turned, running your hand up his arm to curl at the back of his neck. You got lost in his eyes, green pulling you in. “C-can we talk about…about S-Sam?”

“Nope,” he answered, shortly, popping the P.

“Dean, we have to finish-”

“We will,” he said, certainly. “But that’s not a conversation I can have calmly or quietly, baby, definitely not a conversation for just the two of us. So we’re gonna wait for Mom to inevitably decide to abandon her children _again_ and then we’re gonna talk. Okay? All three of us.”

You dropped your head to his chest and snuggled closer to him. “I’m so sorry,” you whispered.

“I know. Shh. Don’t worry 'bout it right now.” He ran his hand up your spine and back down it, shushing you. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re gonna make it okay.”

A soft knock came to your door an hour later, jarring you from your twin’s embrace. “You guys hungry? Mom made bacon. Only half of it is burnt,” Sam said from the hallway.

“Yeah. Um…give us a couple minutes, okay?” you croaked, rubbing your eyes as you sat up.

“I’ll eat the burnt bits,” Dean volunteered, sitting up and stretching.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Burnt bacon’s still bacon.”

You smiled at the Dean-ism and slipped out of bed. You pulled on jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Something told you that covering more of your skin was the way to go. Dean stood and smiled at you as you ran your hand through your hair to try to get it to fall the right way. “What?” you asked, feeling a bit self-conscious.

“Just missed you. Thought about you…the whole time…”

You smiled and looked away, blushing. “I thought about you the whole time, too.”

“And Sam,” he muttered, looking away, himself.

Your heart ached at his words, eyes snapping up to his face. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about it yet.”

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat and smiled brightly. “Right. Sorry. Let’s go eat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your mother left after breakfast, saying she knew you and your brothers needed some time to 'reconnect’. Dean gave you a look over her shoulder that screamed 'I told you so’ as he hugged her goodbye and he leaned against the metal island counter as Castiel walked Mary out. He waited a few moments before licking his lips. 

“Now, let me start this by saying that I love you both and there’s no two people in this world I want happier than you.” You opened your mouth to thank him and respond to the 'I love you’ but he just kept talking. “But this isn’t gonna be happy or loving. I’ve had a lot of time to think over the last six weeks and I’ve caught a lot of the shit I missed.” 

He picked up his coffee cup and took a drink. “Like the marks I knew I didn’t put on you, or how Sam never smelled like rosehips before I walked in on y'all in the shower room together. Started using your shampoo to cover the fact that he was in _your_ stall. The video you let me take of you sucking me off that you insisted I send to you…so you could send it to Sam, right?”

Your cheeks went hot with shame and you gave a single nod before looking at Dean’s boots. “The simple shit like how long it takes to drive into town and pick up some damn groceries. Drive _my_ car, fuck in my backseat, distract me with pie when you get home, because I’m that fucking _simple_ ,” he sneered.

Your eyes jumped to his and you shook your head, but Sam came to the defense first. “She wouldn’t let me touch her in the Impala, Dean. It was one of her rules.”

“Oh, you actually let her make rules?” your twin spat. “And you followed them?”

“That one, yeah,” Sam answered, quietly. He was being reserved. He’d obviously spent the last month and a half thinking through his actions and knew this was deserved. “But I couldn’t help the marks.”

“Like the hickey on her inner thigh in Springfield when she was so horny she practically attacked me? Where were you when I couldn’t find you at the library, Sam?”

“Under the table,” Sam said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Putting a hickey on her thigh.”

Dean’s jaw twitched. “Guess I reaped the benefits on that one, huh?”

“Dean, I’m so-” you started, but his glare snapped to you and your throat seized around the words.

“I’m not _done_ ,” he growled. You bit into the inside of your lip to try and maintain control of yourself. You weren’t going to cry this time. You weren’t going to manipulate his emotions with yours. He licked his lips again and pushed away from the counter. “Said it was all Sam’s idea, right? That he _convinced_ you to fuck around behind my back?”

“Yeah,” you whispered.

“How’d he get you to lie to me?”

You took a shaky breath and looked to Sam, who swallowed and nodded. “H-he reminded me about all the potential happiness you chased away for your own selfish reasons. Said you shouldn’t get to deprive me of a relationship with him just because it makes you happy to have me to yourself. He said he couldn’t go back to pretending that he didn’t want me and…” You looked at your hands, not able to look at either brother as you continued. “It wasn’t supposed to be an all the time thing, it was just supposed to be-”

“Don’t you see that was him manipulating you into making the choice he wanted?” Dean growled and you looked up at him for a second before shaking your head and looking away again.

“I wasn’t manipulating-” Sam started.

“And, what, you couldn’t be happy with just me? What we’ve got wouldn’t be enough after you got our little brother’s dick in you?”

“No one is saying that, Dean. It’s not like that!” Sam shouted, losing his reserved attitude completely.

“It’s _exactly_ like that! Because for you this was about getting one over on me, getting to have something you didn’t even want until I had it,” Dean said, stepping toward Sam, menacingly. “It was about fucking your big sister, but it’s not that for me.” He looked from Sam to you, eyes going soft and sad. “For me, it’s about loving her, about the other half of my fucking soul that resides in her fucking chest. It’s about being whole for the first time in our lives because we’ve finally let ourselves have something good and you trying to fucking take it from us.” His eyes cut back to Sam and he sneered at him.

Sam took huffing breaths to try to control his emotions. “She’s not something to have or take! She’s not a possession, she’s-”

Dean grabbed the coffeemaker and lobbed it at the floor. You and Sam both flinched as glass and black plastic littered the kitchen floor. “We almost lost her yesterday, Sam! _Why_? Because she wanted to be good for more than just sex!” Your mind flashed back to the road in Colorado, your gun at your temple. “Sound fuckin’ familiar, Sam? She never felt like she was only good for sex until you started fucking her.”

Sam scoffed. “She didn’t really have a lot of sex before _we_ started fucking her, Dean. And whose fault is-”

“Actually, guys-” you started to speak.

“ _Don’t bring up Miami_!” they both demanded, turning to you at the same time.

“I’m just saying, I’m not-”

“Not what?” Dean snapped.

You sighed, running your hand down your face. “Not worth this.”

“Of course you-” Sam started, but you shook your head.

“I’m the least important Winchester. I dropped a peg when Mom came back, that’s how unimportant I am. I’m not a great hunter, I spent half of our lives being a shitty, distant sister and I’m obviously not a good girlfriend because I spent months having an affair. I’m _not_ …”

“No, you shut the fuck up with that shit!” Dean demanded. “You’re a great sister, an amazing hunter and you spent months having an affair because of _him_.”

“You can’t place this all on Sammy, Dean. It takes two to-” you started, but Dean’s glare made you stop.

Sam took up the defense as your words faded. “Dean, I know we should have been honest, that we should have told you about the farmhouse but-” 

“She was gonna!” Dean shouted. “She was prepared to tell me everything but _you_ went to her, manipulated her into lying to me-”

Sam stepped away from the wall, rounding toward the middle of the kitchen. “She chose to keep it-”

“She didn’t _choose_ any of this!” Dean yelled, gesturing at you as he stepped ever closer to Sam. “You an’ I both forced this whole situation on her but at least I was a fucking demon when I did it! You were just horny and stupid.”

Rage flashed across your little brother’s face. “That’s not fair! I love her, Dean, and she wanted me just as much as she wanted you.”

“Oh, bullshit! She was with _me_ for a reason! She loves me!”

“She can love us both! She _does_!” Sam shouted as Dean glared, jaw twitching with barely-contained rage. “The only reason we even had to hide it is because you made it clear you didn’t want to fucking share, once again treating her like a toy for you to play with and you wonder why she feels like-”

Your twin’s body was a blur as he tackled Sam to the glass-covered floor. You shrieked as his right fist connected with Sam’s cheek repeatedly. You were reminded of the fight in '09 when Sam was high on Ruby’s blood, except Dean was the one going too far. “She is mine! She’s always been mine. We were made for each other, Sam! She is _my_ other half. She isn’t supposed to be with you.”

You rushed to their sides as Dean grabbed Sam’s collar and slammed his head into the tile. “Holy shit, stop! D., get off him!” You grabbed Dean’s shoulder and tried to pull him off of your little brother.

“Don’t!” Dean growled, fist tightening in Sam’s collar.

“ _I_ fucked up, please stop hurting him!” You grabbed your twin’s chin and forced him to look at you. “This is Sammy. You love him. You went to Hell for him. Please, I can’t see him hurt over me. I can’t see you hurt over me. Please, fucking stop!”

Dean looked from your eyes to Sam’s bloody face and dropped him, stumbling backward to lean back against the counter, breathing heavily. “I can’t…I just got her, man. I’ve loved her since we were thirteen, Sam, hated myself for it for most of my life. I chased tail in every state 'cept Hawaii tryin’ to ignore it and now that she’s with me, _you_ want her? I can’t understand that.”

Sam sat up, leaning against his elbows as he licked the blood from his lips. “Dean, this isn’t just since you started sleeping with her. I’ve been dreaming of her since I was a teen, too.”  He shook his head. “Hell, the only reason I kept talking to Jess when Brady introduced us was because she reminded me of Y/n.”

Your eyes went wide. “What?”

Sam nodded, sitting up fully. “Yeah. I mean, Brady probably picked her because she was so much like you. Pretty and innocent and fearless and so fucking smart.”

You blinked at him. Jessica was his ideal, a woman who could never be matched. How could he compare you to her?

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? We shouldn’t have lied, but…I guess I just couldn’t see walking away. That first kiss, I couldn’t get it out of my head, but I could pretend I wasn’t thinking about it.” Sam took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. “But after the farmhouse…I couldn’t forget or pretend anymore.”

Dean scoffed loudly, an amused smirk gracing his full lips. “Shit, I tried to forget it too, when she was in Miami. Fuckin’ unforgettable,” he said, turning his eyes on you.

“D., I…I’m sorry I lied, went behind your back. I’m sorry I hurt you, but…” You took a deep breath, focusing on your twin’s deep green eyes. “I love Sam. I…I don’t regret sleeping with him. I don’t regret any of it, ex-except lying to you. He’s…he deserves something good in his life, too…and if he’s been fighting this almost as long as you have-”

“Chuck said it was natural, given how we grew up,” Sam filled in.

You nodded, eyes flicking to him momentarily before settling back on Dean. “Isolation. That’s what Chuck said. I mean, we…we only had each other. Our whole lives, it was just the three of us, Dean, and that…it was always the three of us.” You swallowed and licked your bottom lip in between your teeth. “You are my other half and I love you with so much of my heart, but Sammy…Sam has everything else…and that doesn’t diminish what I feel for you.”

Dean searched your face, looking for something, you weren’t quite sure what. He looked down and shook his head. “Son of a bitch,” he whispered.

You took a deep breath and stood tall, stepping in between them and offering each a hand. Your brothers looked from your hands to each other. “Can we be done fighting now?” you asked.

“You love 'er? Like I love 'er?” Dean asked, seriously.

Sam nodded. “Yeah, Dean. I do.”

Dean licked his lips and nodded, taking your hand and standing. He reached out and offered a hand to Sam, who grabbed both your hand and Dean’s to help him to his feet. You smiled at the triangle of clasped hands. “We okay?” you whispered.

“Think you got it out of your system, Dean?” Sam asked.

“We got a little work to do, but…yeah. We’re okay for now.”


	7. Tension

**Chapter Warnings:**   incest (sister wincest), angst, mentions of cheating, Dean being an ass, Regarding Dean angsts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, no word on Kelly Kline, then?” Sam asked, looking over Castiel’s bulletin board.

You shook your head, leaning against the map table. “No. I feel terrible that we let her run off like that. I was just…I was distracted…babies are a sensitive subject and trying to talk her into an abortion was…” You sighed heavily and Sam wrapped his arms around you.

“I get it. No one blames you, sis.”

“Dean blames Cas, though, and if it’s his fault then it’s mine, too.” You relaxed in his arms, setting your head against his broad chest.

“He’s just blaming Cas because that’s easiest right now. He’s worried about what Cas did to save you.”

You sighed. “He should have just let me-”

“ _You_ should have let  _me_ ,” Dean said, walking into the War Room. You and Sam broke your embrace and stepped a little away from each other. “You don’t gotta do that. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna flaunt it, Dean. That's…” Sam started.

“Rude,” you finished. “We know it’s still not something you’re comfortable with. We don’t want to upset you.”

“I ain’t fragile,” he muttered, but there was gratefulness in his eyes. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and kissed your forehead. “So I’m thinking we take a few days and recuperate. Maybe hit up a Jayhawks game or see if there’s anything playin’ at the drive-in in Concordia.”

You smiled. “You wanna take me to the movies?”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, can I take you to the show?” His voice moved along with the cadence of the song in your head.

“Oh, anytime you wanna live a Zeppelin song, I’m here, D.”

He leaned down, lips hovering over yours for just a moment before he kissed you and you melted into it. Your hands slid up the front of his shirt and curled in his collar, pulling him down harder. When you pulled away from each other, Dean’s eyes immediately snapped to Sam’s face. “Enjoying the show, little brother?”

“Yes,” Sam answered honestly. “She’s beautiful, even if she’s not kissing me. I can appreciate different things when I’m on the outside, looking in.”

Dean’s eyebrow twitched. “Fuckin’ peeping Tom. Always been a little voyeur, haven’t'cha?”

“D., stop,” you whispered. Your twin looked down at you and you smiled. “Everything is okay, remember?”

He nodded, looking almost guilty at snapping. “Anyway, so I was thinkin’ Maurizio’s for lunch. It’s amazing what you miss in prison. Big-ass slices of greasy as fuck pizza sound amazing.”

“Yeah, I can get behind that.” You nodded, happily.

“You  _had_ to pick the pizzeria that refuses Hawaiian pizza, didn’t you?” Sam complained with a smile.

“Oh, they don’t do pineapple? That’s a shame, Sammy. Oh well!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s just like watching porn, Dean, which you watch a  _lot_ of.” You could hear your brothers’ conversation from the hall by the bathrooms and you stopped to listen. You wanted to know how the conversation would go without you there to mediate. “It’s just live.”

“It’s not the same. Porn stars consented to being watched. You peepin’ on me and y/n is different and creepy.”

“It’s creepy to you, but I think y/n is okay with it. I mean, she did send me that video of-”

“Because she wanted to make you happy, not because she’s into bein’ watched. Come on, this is Y/n we’re talkin’ ‘bout. She didn’t even like people hearing her  _sing_. You think she’s gonna be excited about someone watching her have sex?”

“Why is it so hard for you to believe that Y/n and I might share a kink in common?” There was shuffling as your brothers moved around the table and when Sam started speaking again, it was a low whisper. “She had no problem getting off when Lady Bevell was watching us.”

“Oh, when she was in extreme pain and half dead?”

“Yeah, Dean. Extreme pain, half dead…still came… _twice_.” There was a moment of silence where you were sure they were exchanging bitch faces. “Though, it might’ve been the pain that put her over, not the being watched.”

“Oh, come on!”

“What? She likes a little pain, man. That’s not weird.”

“I didn’t say it was weird! It’s just…I don’t…it’s Y/n, Sam. She’s not supposed to…iunno, it’s just…I kept her…”

“You kept her practically a virgin for most of her life and you don’t like thinking about her being a pain-slut,” Sam finished for him.

“She is not!” Dean snapped. “She’s not an  _anything_ slut. Even if she does like a little pain, that doesn’t mean she’s a slut for it. I hate that fuckin’ word. Don’t call her that.”

“Right. You’re right.”

“It’s just a word, D.,” you said, walking up.

“No, it’s a connotation, ya eavesdropper,” your twin responded as you slipped into the chair next to him.

“You’re acting like I haven’t done some slutty things but I  _have_.”

“We’ve all done slutty things. One night stands and public sex and shit,” Sam defended.

“It’s just different when you’re talkin’ about Y/n. That’s your big sister. Show a little respect,” Dean bit out.

You chuckled. “Dean, I hate to remind you, but you used to call me a 'whore’. Is that better?”

Indignation and guilt filled Dean’s face. “I had the Mark of-”

“I  _know_. Calm down.” You reached over and grabbed his hand. “My point is, some words are…okay in certain context from certain people. Anyone else calls me a slut, I’m gonna feed 'em my fist, but from Sam…I don’t know…it’s kinda hot.”

Dean sighed and shook his head. “I guess.” He pulled your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “You like bein’ watched?” he whispered.

“I don’t hate it,” you answered honestly. “I mean, it’s not a big turn on like it is for some people, but…it’s not a turn  _off_.” Dean nodded and set your hand on the table as he reached for his drink. “You’re not gonna ask about the pain?”

“No. I know that one.” Sam scoffed and you looked across the table at him. You expected Sam to say something about the fact that Dean never indulged you in that, but he didn’t have time as Dean reached over and tucked his hand under your hair, fingers wrapping in the strands at the base of your skull and pulling hard. You clenched around nothing and fought back a moan. “Just 'cause I don’t usually play this game with you, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to play.”

“D-dean,” you whimpered and his fingers twisted tighter. “Oh,  _fuck_.”

“I prefer to not hurt you. But if you  _need_ that every once in a while, I can fuckin’ do it,” Dean growled, turning to look at you. His eyes were dark, cold, and you saw a bit of that sadism he tried to reserve for hunting in them before they softened. His fingers released your hair and he leaned over to press a loving kiss to your cheek. “I will do anything for you, Y/n.”

You took a steadying breath as the server walked up and set a large pepperoni pizza in front of you. Your eyes fell back onto your little brother, who smiled and shifted in his seat, cheeks flushed. He really did like watching you. You wished Dean did. It would take some of the tension out of things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Seriously, D.? You know we live-”

“I swear, if you start up with that 'we live a horror movie every day’ bullshit…it’s  _Phantasm_! It’s amazing!”

You rolled your eyes. Dean’s horror movie obsession was something you never shared. You saw enough horrific things on the job…and frankly, some horror films legitimately scared you. You could see some of those happening in your actual life.

You remembered him convincing you to sneak into  _Candyman_ when you were thirteen, a completely earnest look on his face when he promised to protect you. You spent half the movie hiding your face in his neck and he spent the whole time with his arm around you. He was nice enough to refrain from teasing you about it until you were waiting on the curb for Bobby to pick you up from the theater. That night when nightmares pulled you from your sleep, Dean was there slipping onto the little couch in Bobby’s library and stroking your hair until you fell asleep in his arms.

“Buy me Red Vines and Junior Mints and I will watch your ridiculous, ancient, horror-” you started.

“'Ancient’?  _Phantasm_ is younger than we are, sweetheart, and I ain’t ancient.”

“Get my candy, you jerk!” you demanded with a smile. Dean leaned over and kissed you before prying open the car door and heading for the popcorn stand. You turned in the front seat to look at Sam in the back. “Horror movies. What is with D. and horror movies?”

“I dunno.” Sam leaned forward and put his hand on your shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good, Sammy. It’s just gonna take some time.” You covered his hand with yours and smiled. “Dean’s taking this way better than-”

“He’s really not.” Sam shook his head. “He keeps looking at me like I’m about to mount you or something.”

“He’s dealing better than he was yesterday. He’ll come around.”

He looked out the back of the car at the snack stand before leaning over the back of the seat and pulling you into a kiss. You wrapped a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer, tongue pressing against his bottom lip to demand entrance. He pulled away before you could deepen the kiss, clearing his throat as Dean approached the driver’s door. 

“All right. Red Vines for you.  _Real_ liquorice for me. Junior Mints to share. Popcorn for Sam,” he said, doling out each item as he spoke. He slipped behind the wheel and stuck a liquorice rope in his mouth as he rolled down the window and adjusted the speaker on his side. 

Forty minutes later, you were in the middle of the front bench, hiding your face in your twin’s neck, candy forgotten as he held you close. No way anybody looking at you would imagine you were a monster hunter with how terrified you looked. “Oh, god, it’s gonna get him!” you squealed, grasping at Dean’s flannel.

“There’s four more of these films and Mike is in every one of 'em. Tall Man’s not gonna get 'im, baby,” Dean said, soothingly, just a touch of humor in his tone.

“Wow,” Sam said from the back seat and Dean turned his head to look at him. “Just never seen her like this.”

“Man, you shoulda seen her when we went to see  _Event Horizon_ ,” Dean said, chuckling slightly.

You sat back and slapped his chest. “That movie was horrifying!”

“That was the point of it, honey.” Dean smiled as he patted your shoulder, before turning to Sam again. “Anyway, she started with hiding like she’s been doin’ tonight about the time the guy from  _Jurassic Park_  gouged his eyes out, but she tried to get back into it about the time the dude cut open one of his shipmates while he was still alive so…she freaked.”

You scoffed indignantly. “I did not freak!”

“You spent the rest of the movie with your head in my lap and my Walkman blasting AC/DC in your ears so you wouldn’t have to hear Laurence Fishburne die!”

“Sam Neill was really creepy!” you tried to defend, but the looks your brothers were both giving you made you melt a little. They wore matching looks of adoration. “What?”

“You just…you’re not usually this soft,” Sam answered.

You blushed and looked away. Dean shifted and pressed his lips to your temple. “She used to be soft with me all the time. Had to be hard for Dad and had to be in charge for you, but she didn’t have to do that with me.” You shook your head. Thinking of how you used to be made you think of the fifteen years you spent cold and distant. “Hey, where’d your head go?”

“I…dunno,” you lied.

“Hey.” Dean lightly grabbed your head, thumb tracing your cheekbone. “No thinking 'bout time lost or any of that, okay?”

You leaned forward, eyes closing as you kissed him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He pushed you back to lay across the seat, sweeping the candy off the leather to hit the floorboard as he kissed you. 

Sam cleared his throat and Dean pulled back from the kiss. “Just reminding you I’m here…and can see you. Consent being so important, right?”

Dean’s eyes rolled as he sat back up. “Right,” he said, settling into his spot behind the wheel and focusing on the screen. You stared at the roof for a few moments before reaching out to grab your candies from the floor and sitting up. You leaned back against the door and looked between your brothers. There was sudden tension in the car and you hated it. Everything was going so well and then…

You sighed and turned toward the screen, tension forcing you to put away the fluffy side of yourself. You didn’t flinch or hide as the silver orb zoomed across the screen, didn’t avert your eyes from the Tall Man. 

You just wanted everyone to be happy, wanted everything to be okay. Was that so much to ask? Apparently, yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So…you guys had reunion sex, yet?” Sam’s voice was quiet, but you could hear him from the Library shelves as he looked over his laptop at Dean on the other side of the Map Table.

“No,” Dean responded, shortly. “You?”

“Didn’t want to be the one to…ya know, since you were so sure that I was the reason she felt like Lucifer was right.”

“Oh, don’t let me stop you, Sam. You wanna go, go.”

“She’ll come to us when she’s ready.”

You rolled your eyes at him. ‘When she’s ready’, like you hadn’t spent six weeks missing them and wanting them back. Like you weren’t ready the moment you saw them. You sighed and pulled your phone out of your pocket. One thing that always got Sam raring and ready was watching you. It’s why the two of you video taped yourselves once when Dean went out on a supply run to Wichita in November.

You edited the video down to a two minute clip from the middle of the video, where he was fucking you hard and yanking on your hair with every pass. You watched it to make sure you were happy with it, then sent it to Sam’s email with a message that said  **She’s Ready**.

His laptop chimed and you could hear it from the stacks. The volume was up much louder than normal and there was no way to tell him to turn it down before he hit play. Your moans filled the War Room and echoed into the Library, making you cringe. Your cheeks heated up and your shoulders tensed, a feeling of mortification falling over you. “ _Fuck, Sam! Fuckfuckfuck!_ ” Sam’s growling response was lost as he slammed the laptop shut, but the sounds of your moans kept playing. The sound of a rolling chair falling over followed by the sound of thudding footsteps and the retreat of your moans told you that your baby brother had fled to his bedroom.

“Hey, sis,” Dean called out with an obviously fake, practiced calm that felt predatory and, honestly, was a little bit scary. “What the fuck was that?”

You bit your lip and stepped out from your hiding spot, stomach in knots at having to explain. You cleared your throat. “It was about two minutes of a movie Sammy and I made last year.” You sighed and stepped closer. “I was trying to tease him. I don’t want him afraid to try because I’m a fucking sad sack that tried to kill herself for you.”

Dean scoffed and shook his head at you. “Here I was thinkin’ you and Sam were the smart ones. You made video evidence of your affair?”

You nodded, feeling a bit stupid. “It was for Sam…when he couldn’t have me, ya know?” You bit your lip again. “Are you mad?”

He took a deep breath and refocused on his laptop. “Nope,” he responded shortly, popping the ‘p’ almost aggressively.

“D., come on. Talk to me,” you begged quietly.

“You wanna be Sam’s personal porn star, I’m not gonna stop you, sister,” he snapped. “Now, why don’t you go see  _him_? You sent him that video for a reason, right?”

Tears pricked at your eyes as you walked down the hall to Sam’s room. Sam opened his door as soon as your knuckles touched the wood, an excited look on his face that quickly melted into concern as soon as his eyes took in your expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling you into his room.

“D.’s mad about the video. I should’ve told you to put your headphones in. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not-” Sam shut the door and pushed you to sit on the edge of his bed. “You’re not stupid. Don’t think that. You were just-”

“I keep trying to make things better but I keep fucking it up. You’re afraid to touch me because of how I reacted to what Lucifer said, Dean’s pissed I  _want_ you to touch me. I feel like I’m breaking us, Sammy. I’m breaking the one thing we have to have to survive.”

“You’re not breaking us, Y/n. I promise, it’ll all work out. I know it will.” Sam sat next to you and took your hand.

“How can you have faith in that, Sam? Dean bashed your face in  _two days ago._ ”

Sam chuckled. “I know. It’s just…we’ve worked out worse. We can get past this, too.”

You took a deep breath, looking into your little brother’s eyes. “Your optimism is kinda contagious.”

“Good,” he responded, smiling brightly. “Um, can we…can we talk?”

You bit harshly into the inside of your lip. “Not about Lucifer or Billie,” you said.

“Fine,” Sam said shifting to look at you more fully. “I just…Dean and I, we’ve both put some really heavy stuff on you and-” You opened your mouth to downplay it, but Sam just kept talking. “We’ve both been really selfish. We  _did_ force you into this situation and we’ve both leaned so heavily on you, sis, and I don’t want you to think you  _have_ to keep doing anything. I’m giving you an out, okay?”

“I don’t want an out. Sam, I wanted this.”

“No, you didn’t. You were firmly in denial… _we_ were in denial…I took advantage of the situation and Dean, I mean-”

“Stop. I don’t wanna talk about this.” You stood and started walking away, but his hand wrapped around your wrist. 

“Please, just listen.”

“No. I just…" You swallowed thickly. “This is right, okay? Wrong as it is, it’s  _right_. Even Chuck said-”

“Fuck what Chuck said!” Sam exploded. “Three years ago, we were all disgusted by the very  _idea_ of acting on these urges. Two years ago you ran off to Miami to get away from Dean and this sickness. You’d still be there if it weren’t for me and Crowley. Just because Chuck said this was natural doesn’t mean it’s something you  _want_ , Y/n. Just because it makes me and Dean happy…”

Your brother stood and looked down into your eyes. “Our happiness isn’t your responsibility, sis. If you want to stop, we can stop. If  _you_ aren’t happy, we can stop, okay?”

“Sammy…I don’t want to stop. I love you. I love Dean. It’s not…I’m just…I just want everything to be okay. I want Dean to accept what I have with you. I want it to be…better.”

Sam’s face flooded with relief, then amusement. “This is some sort of Stockholm Syndrome, isn’t it?”

You chuckled, reaching up to bury your hands in his hair. “Are you and Dean my captors in this scenario?”

Sam dropped his hands to your hips and his forehead to rest against yours. “By pure dumb luck, yeah. Couple of lucky as fuck kidnappers.”

“Sam?” you whispered, shifting a bit to let your lips hover over his.

“Yeah, sis?”

“I’ve really missed you.”

His lips twitched into a smile. “Yeah?”

“Uh-huh. Did you miss me?” you asked, seduction in your voice as you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

“Let me show you how much I missed you,” he growled, slamming his lips against yours and hauling you up against his body. You hit the bed as a tangle of limbs, hands pawing at clothes and lips skimming across newly exposed skin. He slithered down your body, kissing and nibbling as he went, before stopping between your thighs.

Sam always seemed to enjoy eating you out almost as much as you enjoyed being on the receiving end of his tongue. He hummed happily as you buried one hand in his hair and fisted the other in the sheet beneath you. “Fuck, Sam!” you whimpered, ecstasy flowing through your entire being as you finally got what you’d been craving.

His chuckle sent chills through your body as he moved onward with vigor, teeth nibbling lightly at your clit. Two fingers slipped into your cunt, curling hard against your walls  to find that spot inside you. “Please, Sam!”

“Shhhhh, sis. I got you,” he whispered as he found your g-spot and pressed hard. Your body jerked and you instinctively tried to move away from the sensation, but your brother’s large hand pressed down on your hip to keep you in place. “Don’t fuckin’ move, Y/n.” His lips curled into a sneer, his perfect hazel eyes hard as he demanded obedience. “Wanna see you fall apart. Wanna feel you cum on my fucking fingers before I fuck you to pieces.”

Your muscles clenched around his digits, pressing them harder into your g-spot and you arched off the bed as your orgasm crashed over you, an unintelligible sound leaving your throat as your eyes rolled. 

Sam sat back as he worked you through it, watching in awe as you came down from your high. “You’ve never cum that hard from just oral before, Y/n.”

“I…it’s been…I haven’t cum in months, Sammy. Since D. killed Hitler.”

Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t even take care of yourself?”

“I spent the entire time you guys were gone bunking with Mom. I wasn’t gonna masturbate five feet away from her. I escaped that embarrassment as a teen, I’m not gonna deal with it now.”

Sam smiled. “What, Dad never walked in on you?”

Your eyes went wide. “No! I never…I had a few accidental encounters with the showerhead at Bobby’s place, but I didn’t even know how good fingers could feel until Dean made me cum on his.” You looked toward Sam’s night stand. “And after that…the whole idea of fingering seemed…wrong…even if I was doing it to myself.”

Sam ran his fingers up your sensitive slit as he climbed up your body. “How things change in sixteen years, huh, sis?” You shuddered as he pressed his lips to yours. “Dean missed out on watching you cum like that.”

“Little brother…I wanna cum on your cock now,” you demanded. “Get a condom on and fuck me.”

He smirked down at you teasingly. “What’s the magic word, Y/n?”

“Pretty sure it’s 'now’,” you said, challengingly.

He laughed and kissed you again before leaning over to grab the latex from his side table. You bit into your bottom lip to keep in your moans as he finally pushed his cock into you, inch by breathtaking inch. Your twin might have known what was happening behind Sam’s closed door, but you weren’t going to be any louder than necessary.

“Fuck,” you whimpered, grabbing his shoulders and pulling your knees up to notch at his waist.

Sam started to move at a slow and forceful pace, grunting in your ear with each thrust. You lifted your hips to meet his every movement, head thrown back into his pillow. “Missed you,” he whispered, pressing kisses along your jawline. 

“Faster, Sam, please,” you begged. 

“Yeah. Okay, sis,” he said, picking up his speed and grabbing your hip as he hammered into you. Controlling your moans ceased to be an option as Sam pushed you higher and higher, his cock hitting all the right places inside you. “Love it when you get loud.”

“Oh, god, Sam, fuck, please, fuck!” you screeched, clawing at his shoulders. His teeth scraped across your collarbone and he rolled hips to get you to cry out. “Ah! Sam!”

Sam’s hand slipped from your hip to your clit, rubbing hard circles over it. “Come on, Y/n. Cum for me.”

Every muscle in your lower body clenched as your second orgasm hit. Sam lasted several more thrusts before his hips jerked and his dick twitched inside you as he spilled into the condom. “ _Fuck_ ,” he groaned after holding his position for a moment, almost as if he didn’t want to move. But too soon he was pulling out and dropping to the mattress next to you. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you into the bed since-”

“The night you went to prison?”

“No…since about the time Dean walked out of my room the night he caught us.” He chuckled and pulled you against his chest. “We didn’t get to finish. I didn’t get to make you cum.”

“Yeah… that was the opposite of the stress-relieving distraction I meant it to be,” you said, snuggling closer to him.

“Not your fault. If I hadn’t dropped my laptop, Dean would’ve never come looking into the noise.”

You scoffed gently. “I  _knew_ you were going to be the one to get us caught,” you teased. 

“You make it hard to keep control of a situation." 

"I’ll take that as a compliment, Sammy.”

“It was one,” he said, settling in to fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next several weeks were a mess of tension. Dean would seem to be okay for short periods, but spite would slip in and ruin it. He’d smile and hold you, kiss you and remind you he loved you, then he’d turn around and make a backhanded comment about Sam. He wasn’t dealing well, as hard as he tried, and it was being made worse by the fact that he wouldn’t fuck you. Kissing, hugging, and cuddling were all fine but every time it started to go further, he’d put a stop to it. You heard the words 'I just wanna hold you’ so many times you thought you might scream.

Sam liked holding you too,  _after_ fucking you into whatever surface he had you pressed against. He was more than happy to help you deal with the frustration your twin was imparting on you, but it still felt like something was missing. You needed Dean.

You should have seen it coming with the way Dean was acting, and you honestly feared the worst when he didn’t make it back to the motel with burgers after searching Barry Gilman’s office. You thought he might be dead, again, or severely damaged. 

It didn’t cross your mind that he might’ve gone to a bar and picked up the cocktail waitress. That is, until the woman slapped him in the diner.

Dean didn’t remember her. He was slowly losing a lot of things, and it was hard to keep being upset as it became clear that it wasn’t a hangover that was robbing him of his memory, but the witch you were in town to stop. You retraced his steps, headed back to Gilman’s office, then started trying to figure out where Dean went for burgers when you saw her again. 

She bought that Dean was roofied and started to explain the night. Four shots of tequila, a ride on Larry the mechanical bull, and then they got to talking and went in the back and 'blew off some steam’. Anger flashed through you, snowballing into a jealous rage as you imagined Dean and this brunette in the backroom, his lips and hands on her body, the two of them touching in a way he hadn’t allowed you in far too long.

You stomped away as the brunette showed Sam to the security camera footage and Dean followed. “Hey!” he whispered, harshly, grabbing your shoulder and turning you. “What’s your problem?”

“You fucked her, that’s my problem.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe we didn’t…I don’t even remember it!”

“But you still fucking did it, Dean! Even if it was just heavy petting and making out with her! And you were gonna come  _back_ for her after she closed!”

“Like you got any room to talk, with how you’ve been spreading your legs for Sam!” he snapped.

“No, you’re right! I have no room, no right, but it still fucking hurts! She’s no one, Dean! She's  not one of us! She’s just some warm place to put your dick in and I’m not-”

“Oh, it’s not like I’ve put it where it belongs lately!”

“Whose fault is that?!”

“I don’t  _remember_!”

You sighed, rolling your eyes. “Yours, Dean. I’ve been waiting for weeks but you’ve been so caught up in  _failing_ to get past me and Sam…I love you and you’ve been torturing me over this. Acting like you’re gonna be okay with it and then being snarky and horrible to me about it.” You looked back at the bar where the waitress stood. She was staring. “And now  _this_. Now  _her_. Just to get even with me, I’m sure.”

“Oh, it’d take a lot more than a one-and-done to get us  _even_ , Y/n/n. I’d have to cheat on you for months.”

“Right,” you whispered. You closed your eyes against the pain the words caused and tried to swallow it down. You cleared your throat and let your eyes open, looking away before you could catch his eyes. “I’m gonna go research memory hexes. You and Sam can keep retracing your footsteps.”

Your name escaped his lips full of regret, but you just shook your head. “Lemme know if you find the witch.”

You had gotten your tears out by the time your brothers made it back to the motel and it was a good thing since Dean definitely didn’t remember the argument. “Hey, sis!” he said cheerfully, wrapping you in a hug and kissing your forehead.

“He’s gotten worse,” you whispered to Sam. 

“Yeah…I, uh, don’t think he remembers that you’re-” He made his facial expression finish the thought.

“That’s the least of our worries, Sam. I mean…fuck, but he looks almost happy over there without…” You shook your head, trying to clear away the intrusive thoughts. “Rowena is on her way. I called while you guys were finding your dead witch. Maybe she can stop it.”

“Stop what?” Dean asked, walking over and looking at you and Sam. “Ya know…you guys are a cute couple.”

“What?” Sam blurted out.

“Yeah, you look good next to each other. Like, you’re all big and she’s all small and you can just imagine the way that looks behind closed doors, right?” You rolled your eyes, softly. “You guys should do porn.” Dean was  _definitely_ losing himself.

“Dean, go sit down,” Sam demanded.

“Dean is me, right?” Dean asked, quietly, complete confusion on his face, eyes wide as he tried to find his memory.

“ _Yes_ , go.” You pointed at the bed closest to the door and sat down at the little square table.

Watching him deteriorate was one of the worst things you could have imagined. Sure it was kinda nice to see him that beautiful carefree smile without the memories of all the bad things…but it wasn’t worth it. 

After the three of you took down the Loughlins with a surprising amount of help from Rowena, Dean said the same, “-that’s what happy looks like? I’ll pass.”

You spent the entire ride home lying in the back seat of the Impala, thinking. Thinking about almost losing Dean, thinking about the waitress at the bar, thinking about blame and feelings. You exited the car as soon as Dean put her in Park, neglecting your duffel bag as you rushed for your room. Sam opened the door without knocking and stepped in, setting your bag at the foot of your bed. 

“Hey. You okay?” he asked, softly. “I know almost losing Dean like that was-”

“I’m taking the out,” you whispered, avoiding looking at your brother as the words cracked in your throat.

“What?” Sam whispered after a tense moment.

“The out you offered me when you got back…I’m taking it.”

Sam shook his head in disbelief and moved to sit next to you on the bed, but you stood and walked to stand in front of the sink by the door. “But, why?” he asked after watching you for a minute.

“Dean’s never gonna be okay with it. With  _us_. He’s tried and he  _can’t_. What I felt when he…when he picked up the waitress, he’s been feeling that since before you went to prison and he’s gonna keep feeling it and I can’t…I can’t do that to him anymore. I just…I can’t, Sammy. He’s my other half and I can’t keep hurting him.” You swallowed and looked in the mirror over your sink, the reflection showing you just enough of your little brother to know he had tears in his eyes. “It’s take the out or run back to Grandma’s B&B…and I haven’t completely discounted that idea, yet.”

“You can’t leave, Y/n. Dean would handle that even worse.” Sam stood and tried to clear the emotion from his throat before continuing. “I understand. Gave you the option to stop for a reason. I hope you can…” He nodded and put his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll try to make it easy on you…I hope you can make things better.”

You watched him leave, eyes following him until he calmly clicked your door shut, before you flipped face-first into your bed. Tears stained your pillow as you let your emotions out into the fabric.


	8. Fire

**Summary:**  Things at the bunker have been getting so cold, it’ll take a lot to warm things up.

**Chapter Warnings:**   incest (sister wincest), angst, mentions of cheating, Sam being distant,  **18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you all right?” Dean asked as you shuffled slowly into the kitchen the next morning. “Your eyes are all puffy.”

You sat and looked across the table at your twin. You weren’t sure how to answer his question. You were not all right. You were devastated. “I…I’ve…I was thinking…” Your lip trembled as you tried to speak.

Dean walked around the counter and sat across from you at the table, looking at you with concern. “What’s wrong?”

You licked your lips and sighed. “I broke it off with Sam,” you whispered.

“You what?” he whispered back, shock and confusion on his face, but relief shining in his eyes.

“After…after the cocktail waitress…I could see…I could  _feel_ how I’ve been hurting you. I’m so sorry, D.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him, your vision going blurry. “I’ve been so stupid.”

“No, baby,” Dean slid around the table and wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head against his chest. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“Yes, I did. I couldn’t…Dean, I can’t…I’m so sorry,” you sobbed into his chest.

“ _I’m_ sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry for the waitress. I never shoulda touched her,” he whispered, smoothing a hand over your hair. “I was an idiot.”

“No, s’my fault. I was so horrible. I hurt you so much and…” Your words died as Dean’s embrace tightened. “S’all my fault,” you responded, quiet words almost lost in your twin’s shirt.

“Sammy okay?”

“No,” you croaked, feeling horrible for hurting Sam too. You sniffled and pulled back, wiping at your nose. “No, he’s not. But he didn’t fight it. He underst-stood why. I-I don’t…He said he’d make it easy on us.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” You shook your head at your twin’s apology. “I should have handled it better. I should-”

“No. No, Dean, I-I never should have lied and I never should have touched Sam. It was all my fault.”

“Shhh. It’ll be okay. We’ll be okay,” Dean promised in a whisper, pulling you into his arms again. "I swear, honey. It’s gonna work out.”

Dean made you breakfast once the tears stopped, but you just picked at it. You weren’t hungry. “What do you say, we go for a drive? Just you and me, no destination. Baby and the open road, what'cha think?”

“Sure,” you agreed. You would say ‘yes’ to anything your twin suggested. Anything to make him happy. You couldn’t fuck this up again.

Dean packed the cooler into the back seat and pulled you against his side in the front seat. “East or West, sister?”

“West is best,” you said, quietly.

“West, it is,” he said, pulling out of the garage and rolling the car toward the highway headed West.

You zoned out as the scenery passed the windshield, head resting on your twin’s shoulder as he drove. You wanted nothing more than for everything to be okay. You wanted Dean to forgive you and Sam to forget you and everything to go back to semi-normal.

Everything was so much simpler before. Before Dean was a demon things were the least complicated. Yeah you had your issues, but they were nothing compared to the ones you were battling now. You had never hurt your brothers before the first time Dean made you cum on his cock. You managed to avoid the Winchester tradition of backstabbing and betrayal for so long by keeping yourself distant. It seemed almost like you were unintentionally making up for lost time since you assumed your rightful place in your brother’s bed.

Dean’s hand found yours, his thumb sweeping across your knuckles. Your eyelids slid closed, the simple gesture settling in your chest and pushing away the regret and bad thoughts, calming you just enough to let your guard down.

The Impala veering quickly to the right jostled you and you sat up straight as Dean pulled into the parking lot of a motel. “Wha-why? Why are we here, D.?”

Dean pulled his hand from yours and pointed to the marquee over the Vacancy sign. 'GAS FIREPLACE IN EVERY ROOM!!!’. “Bunker’s been pretty cold lately,” he explained lightly, leaning down to press his lips to yours. “Come on. Let’s go warm up, baby.”

You swallowed nervously as he took your hand and pulled you out of the car. Special motel. Dean being sweet. It all put a pit in your stomach. You hadn’t been intimate with your twin in months and you were terrified you were going to disappoint him.

Check-in took just a few minutes, a brand new fake credit card easing the way for the key in your hand. You pushed the door open and stepped inside, Dean following. He made a beeline for the fireplace, pressing buttons to get the flame roaring and heating the room. You sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the sparse decor. “This is one of the most understated motel rooms I’ve ever seen. Where’s the crazy paintings and the antlers or whatever?”

Dean smiled as he straightened, a flame roaring behind him. “I like it. I can focus on more important stuff without the crazy on the walls.”

“Yeah? Important stuff?” you asked, looking up into his eyes.

“Yeah. Important stuff.” He moved to stand in front of you, looking down at you with adoration. “Like making my other half feel better.”

“D., you don’t have to-”

He nodded, a bit dismissively. “I do, actually. You, my gorgeous, amazing, intelligent, selfless twin sister, are feeling guilty and sad,” he said, tucking his hand behind your head and caressing your scalp with his fingertips. “And you have spent too much of our lives feelin’ like that.”

He leaned down and captured your lips before you could protest that you deserved the feeling. “I love you,” he whispered against your lips.

As you peeled the layers of flannel and denim off of each other the contrast of emotions was palpable. Every move Dean made was soft, loving and comforting, a perfect show of how much he cared. Every move you made was desperate, a deliberate act of contrition. You needed Dean to  _feel_ how sorry you were. You needed him to know how much you loved him, how you understood that this was all your fault.

When he laid you back on the bed, finally pushing his perfect cock into your tight cunt after far too long, an overwhelmed tear slipped from your eye and into your hair. As you wrapped yourself around him, hands grasping at his shoulders and feet crossed at the small of his back, he swallowed your moans down in his kisses.

“Fuck, fuck, Dean, fuuuuuuck!” you whined against his lips, trying to not sound as fake as you felt while you rolled your hips against his.

“Fuckin’ missed this,” he said on a breath, kissing across your jawline to take your earlobe between his teeth. "Sorry I stayed away so long, Y/n.”

“My fault,” you panted out as you rolled your hips. “It’s 'cause I was-”

“Wanted to share, sister,” he mumbled against your neck. “Wanted everyone happy. Just couldn’t let yo–it go.” His breath warmed your skin as his fingertips moved absentmindedly along your collarbone.

“You shouldn’t have been in that position,” you whispered. One of your hands slipped down his spine while the other caressed his tense shoulder. Little touches. Loving apologies.

“Should have been able to deal anyway. Every fuckin’ thing I’ve given that kid and I couldn’t-”

“Stop,”  you demanded. Dean’s eyes were sad when he looked into yours, so you pushed gently at his shoulder. “This is not your fault. Most guys wouldn’t be okay with their girlfriend sleeping with their brother. I was an idiot and an asshole to expect you to get okay with it. This is my fault. Okay?”

Dean looked like he wanted to argue with you again, but he just nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

You reached up and pulled him down into a kiss, tongue slipping into his mouth to taste his. He groaned and started to roll his hips, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling as he started to slowly fuck you again. His hands slid down to cup your ass, fingers digging in and making you gasp. “Oh, fuck, that’s-”

Dean pulled back, an odd look of determination in his eyes as he looked down at you. He searched your eyes like he was looking for the other side of his soul, and his eyebrows came together like he didn’t like what he’d seen. “No.” He shook his head and pushed up on one arm, using the other hand to pass a loving caress over your skin. “We can’t keep this up, each of us feeling like shit because we wronged each other, wronged Sammy.”

“Dean, you didn’t-”

“I started this, sister.  _Decades_ ago, I started this.” He pulled away and sat up, running a hand through his hair. “If I had just kept my hands to myself in Puyallup or, take it back further, never kissed you in Fairfax. Everything woulda been fine.”

“Fairfax?” you asked, eyebrows tucking together. “W-what happened? When did-”

Dean shook his head. “You were drunk and you  _still_ don’t remember it so it never shoulda happened.”

You remembered going to a party in Fairfax after Quarterback Chad stood you up for your movie date. You remembered drinking a six-pack of wine coolers and waking up the next morning in bed with Sam, the taste of vomit and peanut butter in your mouth, but you didn’t remember anything else.

“D.” You sat up and put a hand on his shoulder. He shook his head and shifted away.

“No. Don’t.” He licked his lips and looked over his shoulder at you. “I’m so sorry, sister.”

“Brother, you have nothing to-”

“I have a thousand things to be sorry for,” he interrupted. “I stole your first kiss while you were too drunk to remember. I raped you in Washington when  _I_  was too drunk to remember more than the flashes that fueled my wet dreams. Raped you again in Indiana, and  _again_ when Crowley brought you home. I’ve hurt-”

“But I liked-”

“That doesn’t matter! You said it yourself; I conditioned you.” He turned to you fully and looked at you with fire-filled green eyes. “I spent our entire lives depriving you of any love other than mine, any sexual attention other than what I could let myself give you. I ruined you and here I am breakin’ you more, taking Sam from you because I can’t share? Because I can’t let someone else-”

“Dean, it’s… _I_  left Sam.”

“Because of  _me_! You deserve better than me, and Sam is better than me.”

It struck you as you watched a tear roll down your twin’s cheek that you’d started the day wanting Dean to forgive you, and now you just wanted him to forgive himself.

You slipped forward and wrapped your arms around him. “Brother, stop. Look at me,” you demanded and his eyes flashed from his hands to your face. “The things we’ve done…to and  _for_ each other…some of them are terrible, yes. We got to extremes, we always have. Especially for each other, D.”

“This wasn’t that,” he whispered, pulling away as much as you’d let him. “None of this was that. This was selfish and stupid, an uncontrolled desire to be close to you.”

“It was love. It was  _always_ for love,” you urged.

“Are you sure? Because you used to call this a ‘sickness’.” He swallowed thickly and looked away. “Ya remember? I was sick when I put my hands on you, sick enough that you stopped being my best friend because you didn’t wanna be close to me, and I was sick that I had my first wet dream about you and I was  _sick_ -”

“Is that what you want me to say?!” you exploded, eyes wild as you threw your hands up in exasperation. “Fine! It  _is_ sick. You’re sick. Sam’s sick! You took a perfectly functional, codependent familial relationship and you added sex to it and fucked it all up! None of this would have happened if you had just kept your hands to yourself when Sam went to Stanford. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t chased Jesse off. None of it would have happened if you hadn’t been sick our  _whole_ lives, but you know what?”

You took a deep breath and grabbed his chin, pulling his face to look at you. “You were sick, and it happened. Sam was sick, and it happened. And  _I_  am sick. Whether I’m sick because Chuck wrote it that way or because you conditioned me to be this way…does it really matter?” His bottom lip trembled with emotion as you leaned closer. “I love you. Horribly and consumingly and I can’t live with this hole in my soul any longer.”

“But Sam-”

“Isn’t enough.” Your heart hurt to say the words but they were true. “I love ‘im, don’t get me wrong, but I  _need_ you. I’m nothing without you. That’s why I left him. Because I need  _you_.”

Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours, hand coming up to trace fingertips along your hairline. “Need you, too, Y/n.”

You gasped as he started to kiss along your jaw before coming back to claim your lips. When your bodies came together this time, your energies matched; remorse and regret shadowing love and need. There was nothing frantic, but nothing calculated either. Every movement of your body was natural and pleasurable, every kiss its own declaration.

He hid his face in your sweat-drenched shoulder as he started rocking harder against you, breath heavy as he got close to climax. “I can’t…I’m almost…you almost?”

“Look at me, D.” you softly urged and he pulled back to look down at you with lust-blown eyes. You slid your hand between your legs and rubbed your clit, staring into your brother’s eyes as the orgasm rolled softly across your nerves. He kissed you hard but pulled out in time to cum across the top of the comforter.

“Shit. That was…” He dropped to the mattress and pulled you against his chest.

“Yeah,” you agreed, curling onto your side.

“So…we’re…we’re good?”

“I’m good,” you responded. “You good?”

“Yeah.”

You nodded. “Then we’re good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You hadn’t seen Sam in two days. You would have thought he was gone if you hadn’t heard him moving around in his room. When he walked into the kitchen on the third morning, you gasped. He looked like he hadn’t slept the entire time he was locked away in his bedroom. “Sammy…” you whispered as he walked to the coffee pot.

“Y/n,” he said, nodding but not looking at you. “You make the coffee or Dean?”

“Me,” you said, standing. “Sam, I-”

“I think I found us a case. Leesburg, Louisiana. Looks like a ghost possession.” He kept his back to you as he spoke.

“I don’t think we should be hunting right now. You look like you’re barely standing,” you said, venturing a little closer.

“I’ll sleep in the car.”

“No, Sam, come on,” you practically begged. You put a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched away from it.

“Don’t. Just…don’t, Y/n.” He sighed heavily and turned to face you. “I told you I was going to make this as easy on you as I can, but I need you to do the same. For a while…you are not my sister, you’re my brother’s girlfriend.”

Your jaw dropped slightly at his words. They reminded you too much of Sam’s words to Dean after Dean came back to the bunker with the Mark on his arm. Dean had to die to get Sam to forgive him then.

“Right. Yeah, that makes sense.” You nodded and stepped toward the door. “Well, w-whatever case you found…send it to another hunter. None of us should hunt like this.”

“I’ll take care of it,” he said quietly, grabbing a banana and sitting at the table.

Sam’s version of taking care of it was to call your mom and have her come pick him up so that they could gank the ghost without you. When they strolled in two days later, his face was covered in cuts and bruises and you wanted berate him for his carelessness, but you held your tongue as he hugged Mary and set his bag on the table, muttering something about painkillers. Your mother looked across the map room at you, staring after Sam’s retreating form, and cocked her head to the side.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked, moving to sit in the rolling chair next to you.

“Hmm?” You turned away from the hall and shook your head. “What?”

“Come on. You and your brother aren’t that hard to read. What’s going on?”

You rolled your eyes at her coming in and trying to mediate a sibling issue like she was a candidate for Mother of the Year. “It’s not a big deal, Mom. We’ll get over it.”

“You can talk to me, Y/n. Maybe I can make it better,” she whispered and you shook your head.

“Nah, it’s fine. Sam and I are just having a bad moment…it’s a non-issue.”

“I swear, you three are the most stubborn people I’ve ever met!” she exclaimed and a flash of anger went through you. She couldn’t come in and act like a mother  _now_ , not when you absolutely couldn’t tell her the problem.

“Well, next time, don’t raise your kids to be hard-headed hunters.”

She swallowed, pain filling her face as your words stabbed her heart. All you could do was look away from the pain you’d caused and curse yourself for hurting yet another member of your family. She left quickly after that, not even speaking to Dean before she went.

“Sam still being not your brother, huh?” Dean asked, plopping down in front of you. “He’s gonna get over it, sister.”

“I know. Still hurts,” you whispered, looking across the table at him.

“I know, it sucks when he’s mad, but…at least it ain’t me this time,” Dean joked and you rolled your eyes. It took a bit of tension out of you when he smiled though, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Ya know, the last time he was this upset at  _you_ , Metatron killed you before he let that shit go. What if he holds the grudge that long for me?”

“First, that’d suck because I am  _not_ gonna let you die…and second, Sam was pissed before Metatron offed me. He’s  _hurt_ now. He’ll get over hurt.”

“What makes you so sure?” you asked, standing.

“Because he loves you and he’s gonna see how he’s negatively affecting you and he’s gonna wanna make things better soon,” Dean said, matter-of-factly. It actually made you feel better because it made so much sense. Sam would want to fix things just as much as you. He just had to get past the brunt of the pain.

“Oh. I-I guess you’re right.” You rubbed the back of your neck and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Mine or yours?” he asked, eyebrows high.

“Mine. You wanna cuddle, you know where to find me,” you said, waving as you walked away.

You woke in the middle of the night, the glowing numbers on your alarm clock showing 2:13 AM. You stretched and pulled the covers back, kicking your feet over the edge of your bed and letting your feet drop to the cold tile. You made your way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Sam’s door was still closed, his light on, the opening theme of  _Game of Thrones_  playing softly on his television.

Dean’s door was open, his light off, his bed empty. You filled a cup with water, downed it in one long gulp and went to find your twin. He was still in the War Room, sitting at the Map Table, laptop open in front of him. His right hand was moving suggestively in his lap and he was letting out little grunts and groans.

“Having fun?” you asked, amused. When he didn’t respond, you got closer, noticing the earbuds in his ears. You also noticed the laptop in front of him was not his own, but Sam’s. “Sam’s gonna be pissed you’re watching porn on his-”

You cut off when you got close enough to see the screen.

Dean wasn’t on Pornhub or Busty Asian Beauties, he was watching  _you_. He was about forty minutes into the movie you made with your little brother, fucking his fist in time with Sam thrusting into you from behind.

He was masturbating to the video he gave you untold shit about making.

You stomped up and slammed the laptop shut, making Dean jump and pull the buds from his ears, looking up at you guiltily. “Whoa!”

“You- _really_?! You gave me so much shit about the fucking video and you’re watching it? You’re…and how’d you even find it? Sam hid it!”

“I was curious!” he exclaimed, tucking his cock back into his pants. “I couldn’t know this thing existed and  _not_ watch it! And Sammy hid it with his serial killer documentaries. Anyone knows him knows he doesn’t have a John Wayne Gacy documentary saved to his laptop.”

You scoffed angrily and threw your hands up. “But you were so fucking pissed, D., why are you jerking off to it?!”

“Because it’s the hottest porno I’ve ever seen!” he exploded, standing and tugging up his jeans. “And I’ve seen a  _lot_. The way it starts, so controlled and measured, and just devolves into this rough and passionate fucking. He fucking manhandles you like you don’t weigh a thing and you make these faces and I never get to see those faces when I’m taking you from behind and-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you bit out, trying to ignore the fact that his description was making your pussy throb.

“No, okay, I know, but it’s just…” he started, shaking his head. “I can’t explain it, Y/n. It’s like-”

“Dean, have you seen my-” Sam’s voice startled you as he walked into the War Room. His eyes flowed across the scene; his laptop, Dean with his pants open and an erection. “Oh, come on, dude! Watch porn on your  _own_ laptop!”

“The video he’s watching isn’t on his laptop…or the internet,” you said, anger in your tone.

Sam’s eyebrows tucked together momentarily before his eyes went wide in recognition. “You were watching  _us_?”

“Yeah, okay, this is the consent conversation coming back to bite me in the ass, right?” Dean hazarded a guess.

“No, it’s…what kind of bullshit is this?!” Sam exclaimed. “It’s not enough that you have  _her_ , you have to take the video, too? That was  _ours_! It was  _ours_ , Dean, and you couldn’t just let it be.”

“That’s not–Sam, I didn’t…” Dean licked his lips and looked from Sam to you. “I get it now. I get what you were saying about her being beautiful even if she’s not with you. I couldn’t understand it ‘til I saw your little home movie, but…I really do.”

“Oh, you get it? Great!” Sam said, sarcastically.

Dean sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Sam, listen to me. I  _understand_.” Sam looked over at you and you shrugged slightly, not getting what your twin meant. Dean shook his head at himself. “I spent our whole lives trying to keep her all for me, right? I thought she was mine and she was made for me. That we’re  _meant_ to be together, but…she fits so perfectly with you. Your…bodies fit and your…”

“What are you trying to say, Dean?” you interrupted.

He looked lost for words for a moment, lips twitching as his brain searched. “Y/n, you have my soul…but…fuck, how do I say this without it comin’ out wrong?” He looked away, running his hand down his face. “Gonna sound gay no matter how I say it,” he whispered to himself.

He took a deep breath and looked up, catching your eyes. “You have my soul, and when we’re together it’s like being home, but you and Sam…your souls m-match. Our souls are the  _same_ but you  _meld_ with Sam. It’s…fuck, it’s…it’s not just hot, it’s…kinda beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” you and Sam asked incredulously.

“Yeah,” Dean perked back up, sensing the change in the atomosphere. “Seeing the way your bodies move together, the way you just breathe each other in, how you’re just the right amount of rough and painful and you  _know_ , instinctively, exactly what she needs.” You looked away, heat filling you up at your twin’s husky reminder of your time with Sam.

“What does all this mean?” Sam asked softly, all of the anger gone from his voice. When you looked over at him, hope shined openly in his beautiful hazel eyes.

“It-it means…I think…I think I’m…I th-think I was wrong,” Dean stuttered, baffled like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“Wrong?” you asked. “About what?”

“About you and Sam. About who you love and how…how it can…work.”

“Are you saying you’d be able to-” Sam started, but Dean shook his head.

“ _We_ , Sam,” he corrected. “This has to be like everything else we succeed in. It’s gotta be all three of us, together.”

“Together?” you squeaked.

“Are you  _sure_ , Dean?” Sam questioned.

“Nope. Not even a little bit…but I know I wanna try.” His voice carried none of the apprehension his words spoke. He seemed sure enough.

“Wait, but I’m not…Sam and I-” you started, shaking your head.

“Still love each other,” Dean finished for you, like he was daring you to deny it.

“So? I don’t…what?”

“Don’t act so confused, sister. I know you know what I’m sayin’.”

A bit of puzzled panic started up in your chest. “But everything broke when you saw…when you walked in on…when we-”

“No, ya know, I think it was the hiding it that fucked me up. Even after I knew about it, you didn’t let me see it. You were afraid to let me see and I think that’s why. I never got to see how beautiful it was.” He smiled wistfully and shook his head at you.

“So, what, you…you want us…all three of us…” You couldn’t say the words.

Dean shrugged. “Kinda, yeah. I mean…I don’t wanna jump right into it, but…” He licked his lips and pointed at the laptop without looking at it. “I wanna see  _that_ up close.”

Your eyes went wide and you looked to Sam, expecting to see disgust or anger on his face, but instead he was looking at you with a mix of lust and that same beautiful hope. “Sam, you can’t…you’re okay with this?”

“I’d get to have you back…and I don’t mind sharing,” Sam said quietly, stepping closer to you. His hands were shaking as he reached out to grab your arms. “Do you want me back?”

You swallowed, looking up into those hazel puppy eyes. “Of course I do.”

“Then why don’t we give Dean what he wants?” he asked running his hands down your arms, his voice already a few octaves lower.

“What if it makes things worse?” you asked quietly.

“What if it doesn’t?” Dean responded and your eyes shot to him. “Kiss him, Y/n. You know you want to,” he encouraged.

“Please,” Sam pleaded, so quietly that you barely heard the word, when you looked back to him and licked your lips.

A kiss couldn’t hurt that much, right?

After everything, what harm could it do?


End file.
